to celebrate our first year online
1. Did you
find the format of the first 20 Questions to be limiting?
Only in the sense that the answers were already provided and none
of them suited me
No, in fact it increased my productivity
Even if I did it wouldn't matter, as it doesn't appear to have changed
2. Have you
ever participated in medical experimentation to aid the R&D of bike
manufacturers? [Note: this is a control question, designed to distinguish
those who don't mind answering ostensibly silly but actually quite
painstakingly prepared questions from those who frankly don't see
the significance of this exercise]
Was there a question in there somewhere?
Yes! But I was anesthetized and the pay was good
3. Do you
listen to music while in the saddle?
No, that would be reckless and dangerous
Yes. It drowns out the voices in my head
Yes. But I'd prefer to click this 'yes', because of the stigma
3b. If you
answered 'Yes' (either one) to question 3, what kind of music do you
Top 40, unapologetically
Classical, like Mozart, but his basement tapes, not the obvious stuff
Other (military tattoo, pan pipes, Shania Twain, etc.)
on the subject, which do you prefer?
Minidisc or CD
Vinyl, because it's the real thing, and it skips less than my Sony
None of the above. I sing to myself. Actually I'm quite good
4. Do you
feel a solidarity with your fellow cyclists which transcends nationality,
ethnicity, religious component differences, etc?
We sometimes make eye contact, which is more than I can say for my
5. If everyone
sold their cars and started riding bicycles, would you go around telling
people "I was doing it before it became so popular"?
Yes. I just couldn't help myself
No. Well... probably
6. Have you
ever been on a Critical Mass ride?
I'm an undercover cop, so, yes. But I always get rumbled because it's
too easy to spot my undercover cop bike
Yes. Thought I'd died and gone to heaven. And that's just because
I saw somebody dressed as Jesus. Then I realised he probably didn't
ride a recumbent. Or maybe he did. The ancient texts aren't clear
on that point
7. Have you
ever been arrested for a cycling-related offense?
No, though God knows I've tried
I'm still on parole for jaywalking. I try to keep keep under the radar
of law enforcement
Other than the time I was the unwitting stoker on a getaway tandem,
8. Have you
ever had the urge to drop everything and cycle around the world?
It's always secretly been my fondest dream, in addition to the one
about going to work naked, which actually happened once so it's no
longer technically a dream
Yes. Then I start worrying about who would keep my Shania Twain CD
No. That's awfully ambitious for somebody who never ventures more
than 10 miles from a roof rack
9. When you
see a television character riding a bicycle, does it make you feel
I'm essentially unmoved
10. Does the
winner of the Tour de France have personal meaning in your life?
Yes, but the spare closet is pretty small and using it as a shrine
doesn't inconvenience my household unduly
I'm just glad whenever cycling gets coverage. It seems to help the
pharmaceutical companies, too
computers usually show speed, distance, time, etc. What would you
like to see on the ideal computer?
Idiot proximity sensor (calibrated to exclude self if applicable)
Actual/perceived hill gradient converter & interpreter
Calculated speed if rider were 20 lbs. lighter and about a decade
The Meaning of Life*
* contributed by reader Beverly Wagar. Of course, as
the late great Douglas Adams has told us, the answer to the Meaning
of Life is 42, which also happens to fit conveniently onto a cycling
the fastest you've ever gone on your bike?
150 mph on the Bonneville Salt Flats with a special shield in front
of me cutting wind resistance. Unfortunately the Guinness people never
I don't know, I had my eyes closed at the time
13. Do you
think bicycle bells save lives?
More than anyone will ever know
The statistics can be interpreted either way
14. True or
false: If you fill your innertubes with helium you'll go faster
True. Thanks for the tip
False, though I have no proof of this
15. Does being
a cyclist gives you time off from purgatory?
Yes, but chances are it's canceled out by my systematic office supply
Sadly not. And I hear you get another 10,000 years every time you
even forget to signal, which is a bitch
16. What is
a sensible amount of money to spend on a bicycle?
Nothing; bikes should be free
Approximately the same as an engagement ring
If I have to ask I can't afford it
your favourite reading material?
Fiction & biographies
Papers of a technical nature provide all the intellectual stimulation
Anything that's not lending structural support to my furniture
The dictionary, though I have little patience with diphthongs
18. Who would
be your ideal tandem partner?
Anyone but my spouse
Nobody unbalanced, which rules out my spouse in any case
Not married. Or don't ride a tandem
19. Have you
arrived at BikeReader after typing something completely unrelated
to cycling into a search engine?
You mean, 'teenage girls in miniskirts'? That was me
No, but I'll give it a shot if you like
20. What did
you think of these 20 Questions?
I found answering them to be cathartic. I learned things about myself
that the last 10 years of therapy failed to unearth
After close study I can discern a beautiful underlying random symmetry
and incredible forthright honesty not usually associated with 20 Questions
I'm guessing they were written on a rainy Sunday afternoon
god knows why
because these buttons definitely don't work anymore