Yesterday was a bad day

[librarian]

If you are feeling miserable and wishing you were on your hols, then I hope this will cheer you up as yesterday was a Bad Day:
 
1. The weather was very very grim from about 3am and I was woken up by the sound of rain and the tent being shaken by the wind.

2. By 10:00am, family Hummers were all going to kill each other due to 'Tent Fever'

3: I declared that my bike ride was off and that we should go to Plymouth together although it was hard to make my voice out over the howling wind in the guy ropes.

4. We left the camp site in search of pasties and Plymouth

5. Due to a lapse of concentration (brought on my a lack of sleep), I ended up on the road to Newquay

6. My 'short cut' across the St Austell Alps turned out to be a dead end in a wilderness.

7. I hit what I can only think must have been a trench on a flooded road and flattened both the front and rear drivers-side tyres.

8. On closer inspection (in the teeth of a gale and lashing rain) it seemed that I'd put a huge dent in the rims of both alloy wheels rendering them both inoperable.

9. There's no reception for the mobiles and it looks like the RAC Assist won't come out anyway for a flat tyre.

10. I fit the spare to the front in the middle of what now seems to be a small but wide stream and drive (VERY SLOWLY) to some sort of civilisation where I am stopped by a chap who kindly offers to give me a lift to a tyre services garage back in St Awful

11. I am struck by the look of concern on Jane's Claire's, Bill's and the dog's faces pressed up against the steamed-up windows as I am driven off by two strange men in a flat bed truck to who knows where.

12. As the chap drops me off, I realise that I have left my waterproof and mobile back in the car.

13. The first garage can't help because it was their lunch hour

14. The second garage won't help because they 'didn't do call outs' but suggest a third garage

15, The third garage refer me to the second garage.

16. I decide to try and update Jane by calling my mobile number from a pub phone box.

17. Jane rejects all my calls on the basis that they are from a 'Private Number' (and probably work related...)

18. After spending £3 on abortive phone calls, I call a taxi but am told there is a 20 minute wait.

19. I decide to walk the 2.5 miles back to the car in the pouring rain wearing shorts and a fleece shirt.

20. Strangely, my efforts at hitching a lift are not fruitful.

21. 200yds from where I left the car/family, there is a garage who has a very helpful mechanic called Kevin who is keen to help but seems to have Tourrettes.

22. I am reunited with my family who are very pleased to see that I am still alive (and have not been abducted) but are startled by the chap who I have turned up wearing green overalls who seems to swear a lot

23. Kevin tells me that I am f****** unlucky and tries all f****** sorts of odd f****** wheels they have lying around the f****** place (and next door's f****** garden)  but none of the f****** seem to fit f****** and in his f****** opinion, I am completely f*****.

24. Kevin has a f****** brainwave

25. With the application of two lump hammers, Kevin manages to knock the alloy rim back into a sort of round shape. Something he gleefully tells me he's never f****** done before. I am not sure it is supposed to be done at all but am amazed to see that the tyre now f****** inflates!

26. Still raining, we drive back to the car/family and fit the remodelled wheel to the car.

27. Amazingly, Kevin will only accept beer money as payment and I think is glad to see the back of us.

28. Reuinted with my family, car and mobile, I ring around and the best I can do in the timescales is a second hand set of wheels (with tyres) will set me back £400 from a man in Redruth.

29. I am concerned that in two days time I will be driving back a fully laden car with a rear wheel that may go 'ping' and no spare.

30.  I decide that I need some advice and that the first garage I went to have probably finished their lunch and (VERY SLOWLY) drive into St Awful

31. Repleat with prawn salad rolls, the first garage are now willing to help me and ring around to see what can be done.

32. 30 minutes later, they tell me that the best they can do in the timescales is a second hand set of wheels (with tyres) will set me back £450 from a man in Redruth.

33. I say I can't afford that and at that point, one of the mechanics says "hold on then".

34. Amazingly, he takes the other dented wheel, removes the tyre, beats out the rim using an oxy-acetelene torch and hammer, replaces the tyre, rebalances the wheel - all for the price of a pint of beer (or 8).

35. I am made to solemnly vow not to sue them if the wheel explodes and we are all killed.

36. Completely by chance, at that point, f****** Kevin from the other garage arrives wishes me the best of f****** luck.

37. As it is still raining and only the above has staved off a complete famicide, at 15:45, we decide to drive off to Plymouth anyway to see friends and have a well earned pint in the Dolphin Hotel.

38. We arrive back at the campsite, intact, at about 1am this morning having snatched an enjoyable visit to Plymouth from the jaws of disaster.
 
As it happens, judging by the state of the campsite this morning, it would seem that all of the above were preferrable to 'staying local'. The place looks like the Somme and apparently was flooded (which takes some doing). Just to add to the fun, the bolier packed up giving all those performing their abloutions an impromptu cold shower.
 
It is not raining today.
 
Yet.
 
H