Author Topic: How can I tell whether my friend fancies me?

librarian

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Quote from: Hummers
Dear Nick H,

May I call you Nick H?

What we are looking at here is the eternal conundrum; will she, won't she, does she doesn't she?

Yes, it is very important for you to establish that she is not in a serious relationship already.

Yes, it is all very tricky.

However, there are some more pertinent things that you should establish before you reveal your hand or for that matter, anything else.

Think of this as the Hummers 10 point low level reconnaissance plan:

1. Was she born a woman? Forgive me but I have lived in two naval ports in my life and it's best to be sure. One does not wish to discover a Pokemon where a Furbee should be - especially if it is bigger than yours. (NB: This leads to an awkward situation where, after the initial recoil, you feel may compelled to pay your would-be amour some kind of compliment - a moment best avoided, possibly).

2. Do you share the same interests and if so, to what level? Warning; if she is more enthusiastic about Hermione that you are, this may not be a good sign should you wish to persue a more physical level to the relationship than solely sharing the big spoon when stirring the skinny latte.

3. Have previous relationships ended amicably? If, when discussing previous loves lost, you notice your friend has twisted her finger roll violently and torn it half or has started running her knife absentmindedly over her wrists, it is fair to assume that parting was not without incident or rancour.

4. What is her mother like? (Nothing to add here)

5. Is she a better drinker than you? There is nothing worse than being carried home a la Fireman by your girlfriend or waking up with someone who is unbearably chirpy while you feel that your brain has been scooped out, rolled around the garden, pushed back in the wrong way round and stapled back into place.

6. If your collection of porn going to have to go? You've built it up over years and years and some of the Mayfair's are collectors items. Remember the 70s? An array of pelvic topiary that made the rain forests of Patagonia seem sparsely vegetated. Happy days.

7. Does she think that you are gay? This is a tricky one, not to be dismissed out of hand and possibly worth cultivating. Think about it. You will not be seen as a threat, you'll be paraded around to her friends, meeting the parents when they are not at DefCon 2, invited to pyjama parties and are far more likely to see her naked/partially clothed sooner rather then later. Then - and this is the genius of the plan - you can say that you have fallen in love with her and are going to go 'straight' as a result. How can it fail! Well, only if she turns all Yentl on you and tries to matchmake you with a guy called Maurice she wet to art school with.

8. Are you rich or have you in any way led her to believe that you have an inexhaustible disposable income? It may be that your good looks, charm, witty repartee or the hint of a large wanger are not the lures that have caused her to cross the metaphorical dance floor and flash you her dance card. If this is the case and you do not have the means then bail out now or saddle up for a long ride on the road to perdition, big knob or not.

9. Errr.

10. That's it.

Hope this helps.

H