Tank trap on Bishopsgate (City of London)

[librarian]

There is an approved method for fixing potholes in London Town Devine.  It is this:

• Pothole appears
• Someone reports presence of pothole to Appropriate Authoritah
• Appropriate Authoritah does this: 0
• Pothole continues to increase in size until buses start to disappear and local residents report that the cries of the woolly mammoth at the bottom are keeping them awake at night
• Appropriate Authoritah sends two bloke in donkey jackets to fill in hole using approved environmentally-friendly material¹
• Approved environmentally-friendly material is eaten by pigeons; pothole continues to increase in size as noted above
• Blokes in donkey jackets return with more approved environmentally-friendly material
• And so on
• After a period of approximately fourteen months², blokes in donkey jackets are finally allowed to fill hole with Proper Tarmac

1 - a 50-50 mixture of mashed potatoes and lard
2 - the exception which proves the rule was one in Southwark Street, which occupied about the same area as a bus and was about eight inches deep; it got fixed the day after a motoring FLJS in a Delta Integrale fell in it and wrecked all four tyres and three of the wheels