> Freewheeling

feeding the octopus leaves

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I just discovered Nurse Jackie on BBC2! With Edie Falco! And Paul Schulze! (They meet again, but this time without all that manicotti in the way!) And now I've used up my quota of exclamation marks for the year.


If EastEnders is half as entertaining as this review, I've been missing out.

An acquired taste, like tripe.
- Patty Croker

Tickets this way for the Chatsworth Express!
Come and watch pikeys making a mess
Of the lives they were given by Him upstairs
And kids, they're convinced, aren't actually theirs.
What sounds on earth could ever replace
Kids needing money? Or wives in yer face?
'Cause this, people reckon - and me included -
Is why pubs and drugs were kindly invented
To calm us all down and stop us going mental
These are Chatsworth Estate's basic essentials.
We are worth every penny for grinding your axes
You shit on our heads, but, you pay the taxes.
Imagine a Britain without Chatsworth buccaneers
Who'll cum on your face for the price of a beer...

Make poverty history! Cheaper drugs now!
Make poverty history! Cheaper drugs now!

Libby to Frank: "You had me at 'I'm a twat'."

A trio of eights summons subtitles from the British teletextual service, faithfully manned by expert transcriptionists who work for the satisfaction not just of helping the hearing impaired, but of allaying the anxieties of people like me who find that words are all too easily lost in the ether and require an imprint in


Post-election edition

Best rebuttal to Do you feel betrayed by the LibDems?, a narrative the media is keen to promote:
"The choice was between 'betrayal' and irrelevance."

Most amusing spectacle:
Confused and indignant flapping all around in answer to the question What would you have had happen given the way the vote went? Runner-up: Who could have possibly imagined that a coalition means that there has to be compromise?

Panelists most deserving of the sweet blessed relief of the TV mute button:
Three-way tie between the Daily Mail's LibLemon sucking Melanie Phillips, Labour wind generator Charles Falconer and New Statesman political editor Mehdi "I admired the LibDems until they actually managed to put themselves in a position to influence policy" Hasan.

Best line of the evening:
Delivered by Michael Heseltine, when asked who should be the next Labour party leader:


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