Author Topic: PBP Doubts (part one)

librarian

  • Guest
PBP Doubts (part one)
« on: May 22, 2007 »
It is all in the head.

On the invicta on saturday night at the halfway stop there was a younger guy, softly talking himself into packing. It was dark out, a bit cold, and he had just done 200 - he was in the dark hole.  He was conniving to  defeat himself. If he reads this he will know what I mean.

Once you let the genie of 'reasons to stop' out it is hard to put it back. Point is I bet he feels worse today - like he let himself down. Even if he finds ways to tell himself it was a good decision (like gloves too thin etc). I don't want to feel that way - because I have felt that way too many times before in life. And I don't want others to feel that way if encouragement can help them through the dark bit.

I am not sure that these long rides are about 'fun/enjoyment' in the normal sense. I think they are about exploring one's boundaries and seeing what lies beneath the surface of otherwise ordinary life. And about transcending/overcoming - which feels like personal triumph and feels really good - even when it is hurting. In this thing I am captain of my ship.

The PBP represents that for me - of course I can't see how it will be 'fun' - look slike a lot of aching -  but if I can do this thing I have set myself to do I will derive a deep joy from it. I will have proved something to myself - I think.

Of course a psychiatrist would probably have something to say about that.