Author Topic: The Situation Room

The Situation Room
« on: July 22, 2007 »


The Hotel has seen all sorts of strange goings on over the years, including a convention of polite Belgians discussing what to do in the eventuality everybody else in the world decides they want to move to Belgium, all at the same time. They had flowcharts. I tucked the Beneluxians away in The Singing Nun Room and made sure they were kept well supplied with waffles, which they actually use as ashtrays in their country. I hesitate to tell you what they did with the endive.

Today I received a memo from head office requesting that I set aside space for functions of a very particular nature: conflict resolution. Occasionally it comes to pass that disagreements cannot be resolved by means other than some leaving the forum in a huff, and others leaving in separate huffs.

Rather than continually police feuds which threaten to put the Hatfields-McCoys to shame, management has decided that it's good to talk; privately, as this is not a spectator sport. Parties involved in or who may be able to help with disputes which cannot be resolved by other means will be invited to resolve them in The Situation Room. Attendance is by invitation only, and participants are forbidden to take their notes from the room, i.e., it stays private. That part of the memo was underlined forcefully several times and circled in what looked like blood but may have been gazpacho.

When all is said and done and everyone's gone until the next Situation (needless to say management would prefer this room stay empty), like any good hotelier I will send in the maids with the mints and restock the towels which have been nicked. Incidentally, the Belgians left The Singing Nun Room absolutely spotless except for a peephole drilled through the wall into the adjoining Emmanuelle BĂ©art Suite. Needless to say I sent them a bill.



The Situation Room was never used.