1. Wake up at 6.30am, ready for a leisurely breakfast, followed by leisurely drive into deepest darkest Suffolk.
2. Discover bike is bigger than car and so will not fit. Attempt to remove front wheel.
3. Go in search of proper tools to assist with moving brake blocks so wheel comes off. Decide hammer does not fall into this category. Succeed in removing front wheel.
4. Discover bike is bigger than car and will not fit. Carefully inspect car and contemplate which bits are easiest to remove. Decide upon rear seats.
5. Go in search of spanner to remove bolts holding seat in place. Decide that a hammer will not do the job as well.
6. Remove rear seats. Attempt to place bike in car. Decide that it is probably important to also be able to change gear whilst in car with bike, and so remove and replace several times. Consider similarities of exercise with well-known impossible Chinese puzzles.
7. Whilst carrying rear seat into house, inadvertently let cat #1 up into rafters.
8. Attempt to retrieve cat.
9. Whilst attempting to retrieve cat #1, inadvertently let cat #2 up into rafters too.
10. Spend some time retrieving both cats. Find self in middle of feline fight.
11. Get into car frazzled and bleeding and begin to leave driveway.
12. Spot cat #2 stalking things in garden. Attempt to catch cat #2.
13. Pursue cat #2 all over garden, across road & down the lane. Finally give up & phone indoors for reinforcements.
14. Am advised by indoor reinforcements that cat #2 is currently inside eating breakfast. Have sudden realisation that have just been attempting to steal someone else’s cat.
15. Get back into car sharpish & drive off.
16. Make way to Stowmarket.
17. On way, admire very tiny lambs skipping in fields. Stare at lambs, thereby missing turning. Obviously do not notice this until much, much later.
18. Realise have not seen signs pointing to Stowmarket for a while.
19. Consult map. Fail to identify location of self. Spot likely local and decide to ask them.
20. Discover local is a) deaf & b) in no mood to give directions.
21. Continue to get lost.
22. Spot empty tractor in field and contemplate cross-country approach. Decide against this when recall incident with fence post last time left in charge of tractor.
23. Magically come across sign post “4 miles to Stowmarket”. Follow signpost.
24. Six or seven miles later see signpost “4 miles to Stowmarket”. Consider likelihood of there being a ‘Stowmarket Triangle’.
25. Finally arrive in Stowmarket very, very late.
