Author Topic: New year's resolution for the roads


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New year's resolution for the roads
« on: March 07, 2008 »

It’s not going to be easy, I can tell you.  For a start, I’m still frantically pressing “refresh” on the space-time continuum thread in order to pick up handy hints on how I should manage the pavement / red lights issue.  Without duplicating myself, I fail to see how I’ll be able to ride on the pavement as well as jumping reds.  It seems to me it might have to be one or the other until I achieve a bit more skill at this, or at least until the council install traffic lights on pavements.

I’m also a bit curious as to how to manage my speed without some serious revisions of the laws of physics.  On the one hand, I will have to wobble along in the gutter at 5mph in order to hold up traffic significantly, but on the other, I need to work up enough speed to mow down at least a few pedestrians – and they’re resilient, the little buggers.  The best I’ve managed so far is an irritated “ouch” when what I really need for the stereotype is full-blown carnage.  Still, it’s only the 3rd of Jan, so it’s early days yet.

Some kind of quantum level goofiness may come to aid you in your task here. Essentially your speed / cycling on pavement / RLJing status remains in superposition until observed. At which point decoherence will set in and the situation will resolve to its most unfavourable state. It's actually quite possible for you to be RLJing on the pavement whilst travelling at both 5 and 30 mph. Most of the time you are. Not to mention doing a wheelie. While swearing at pedestrians. And riding over their heads like some kind of lycra-encased demonic harbinger of doom bursting forth from the dank oil encrusted cycling netherworld to wreak untold carnage upon god-fearing pedestrians and motorists alike.

It's also the explanation for cars wanting to share the exact same point in the time-space continuum as any nearby cyclist. Until observed by a motorist you don't actually exist in any other context than a superposition of bad behaviours.