20 QUESTIONS [abridged]
to celebrate our 574th day online
574 having significance only to us and Carol Vorderman


1b. That was your chance to write your own 20 Questions question. If it features in a future edition we'll give you credit but no cash.
Be still my heart
Can I phone a friend?

2. Do you think there's more to life than this?
What, 20 Questions? The internet? Cycling? Simpsons reruns*?
Yes, but nobody around here tells me anything
Finally, a question I can sink my teeth into
* I told you before, I don't watch TV

3. Do you consider yourself to be a particularly enlightened person?
Speaking as a small furry creature which has wandered onto this keyboard thinking it was a paw massage, no, but perhaps I'm splitting hairs
I buy the Big Issue; that must count for something
In my head I am. But every time I open my mouth it doesn't turn out that way

4. When you water a plant, should you pour until it overflows and let it drain, or introduce just the right amount of moisture into the soil? Never mind what The Big Book of Gardening says.
Overflow and drain
Just the right amount
So you have interesting discussions about that at home, too

5. What's the most humane thing to do to a bicycle which can no longer be ridden?
Strip it down and bury it in a place it loved
Never say die. I'll take whatever heroic measures are necessary to keep its wheels turning
Ride it over the nearest cliff; suicide pact optional

6. How much is too much?
That third chainring
Isotonic drink dispenser nipple in the aerobar
Rear LED random sequence generator
Playing cards in the spokes

7. Do you pedal faster when a member of the opposite sex is in attendance?
I would but my knees creak alarmingly
Yes, because my knees creak alarmingly and I'm looking for someone who likes that kind of thing
Absolutely not. I don't cycle to impress. I'm not a hormone-crazed teenager. Wish I was

8. What do you look for in a bike magazine?
News to people who aren't online
Reviews of things I can never find in the shops
Reviews of things I can't afford in this life even if I could find them in the shops
Bespoke grammar
Letters to the editor skating on the thin ice of libel
Last year's features pleasingly reformatted
Pictures of racers who look far too intense to be enjoying themselves
Columnists who live in their own little universe

9. When did you come in?
Single speed
Somewhere in the pre-mtb / 10-speed era
Right around the time people were saying "What's a V-brake?"
What's a V-brake?

What's a disc brake?


10. If there was a fire in the dwelling that you're minding for the bank / building society, which would you grab first?
My significant other
My bike
My bike is my significant other

the charade continues

We continue our search for a linguist who will work on a pro bono
basis to translate 20 Questions (abridged) into Esperanto
to make it accessible to a wider audience.

No more answers or skip to
20 Questions Too Far