YOU DIDN'T KNOW
inventor of the tandem never intended it to be ridden by two people.
Buzz Aldrin, the
second man to walk on the moon, brought a bicycle bell with him and
rang it constantly, annoying Neil Armstrong and mission control. He
later accidentally left it behind, where it remains to this day.
Tour de France winners
undergo a secret initiation involving a malformed baguette and a recording
of Placido Domingo. It is not painful but it makes one think.
Robert Wadlow, the
world's tallest man who ever lived, had a custom-built Raleigh given
as a gift to him by the king of Persia. It was later stolen by the world's
second tallest man, who was observed to adjust the saddle height slightly
before making his getaway.
Thomas Stevens completed the first circumnavigation of the globe on
two wheels in 1887, he did it again, backwards, playing an out-of-tune
harpsichord. He was later found in an asylum in Grand Rapids, Michigan,
proposing marriage to a corset.
The inventor of
the derailleur got the idea after watching a midget fall off a donkey
in a pantomime.
the increasing use of carbon-fibre in frames and components on the very
folio page containing the infamous stanza about the London fire.
Double-butting is the oldest process known to man and is mentioned in
the bible 17 times.
A bicycle will not float in the Dead Sea unless a rabbi performs a special
Reynolds tubing is impervious to x-ray vision.
More people are injured every year on the internet arguing about helmets
than in all road accidents in recorded cycling history.
It only takes two thin spokes to make a wheel strong enough to hold
the weight of a rider. The rest are spares but are required under a
law drafted in the 1920s which has never been repealed.
A domestic cat can ride a bicycle and will, if given the opportunity;
but it does not know how to brake and cannot be trained. Every year
dozens of cats are lost over Beachy Head in this way.
A drawing which is clearly recognizable as a bicycle, with a rudimentary
Campag rear mech, was found in the paleolithic Lascaux cave paintings
in France in 1940. It later disappeared under mysterious circumstances.
Those Chinese acrobats who ride dozens to a bicycle are not permitted
to fly in groups of less than 1200 on a plane.
In double-blind tests carried out by researchers it has been documented
that most cyclists cannot tell the difference between titanium and aluminium
frames unless they are first informed of the price.
The Brompton T6 can be taken apart and reassembled to make a completely
different Brompton. The process can be repeated indefinately.
The Dali Lama rides a Cannondale Bad Boy. 'Bad Boy' in Tibetan means
It has been proven in laboratories that the air that you pump into your
tyres has been altered by kinetic forces so that by the time it leaks
out it is, on a molecular level at least, indistinguishable from Christmas
The first recorded instance of the Bonk occurred in 1840, when Jeremy
Lungford collapsed and died after piloting his 'hobby horse' up Ditchling
Beacon near Brighton. It later transpired that he wasn't dead, only
taking a nap.
A bicycle is statistically likely to be more stolen if its handlebars
are turned very slightly left rather than right, except in Devon, where
the turning must be more pronounced.
The cyclists' favourite food of bananas have little basis in fact.
The fully mature human body contains enough ingredients and raw materials
to make a perfectly functional miniature bicycle. Even children under
five can manage a unicycle. However, as you get older you lose the ability
to properly heat-treat alloys.
Good racing bikes have such little tolerance for rider error that they
will kill you if left unattended.
The 'Golden Age of Bicycling' never existed. Cyclists were in fact routinely
dismembered and left to their own devices if they were even caught singing
'Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer, do.' Only the foolhardy attempted
the second verse.
The original utility bicycle was the brainchild of Hermann Schotelgrabner,
a subaltern in the Scandinavian German Millinary. He grew bored one
day and drew up plans on his socks (one of which is still extant in
the Smithsonian). It was never used.
Helmets are always tested on heads of Romaine lettuce first. Disreputable
labs are known to use Iceburg. This is why they should always be washed
Another little-know fact about helmets: the testers often give them
names and grow attached to them. This is encouraged.
Optimum saddle height
is a myth. Lapsed roundgitudinal forces are typcally far more important.
The Tour de France is not the oldest bicycle race in the world. That
honour belongs to the Javanese, whose use of rough-hewn but basically
circular stones to kill escaping missionaries - riding on them, steering
with their feet - predates the Tour by centuries. They even had yellow
jerseys coloured by dye from local butterflies.
If all the bicycles ever manufactured were laid end to end, they would
stretch from Land's End to John O'Groats and back 374 million times,
even with a side trip to Blackpool, according to the Schwarzchild equations.
Others say Schwarzchild was an idiot.
The best way to properly wear in a Brooks saddle is to rub it in room
temperature, taking care to avoid arrest.
According to the Guiness Book, the youngest cyclist to attempt to mend
a puncture was 13-month old Jason Whippet, who used a bit of velcro
from his diaper. Obviously it didn't work.