NACF

~ => . . . => Topic started by: sam on December 13, 2019

Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: sam on December 13, 2019
(https://prettygoodbritain.com/wp/wp-content/uploads/2019/12/slaughtered700.jpg)

Open for business
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Shirley Jackson on December 14, 2019
Is this the pub at the end of the universe? Yes? I've come to the right place.

A round for the house, it's my birthday.
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Nero on December 15, 2019
And now it's mine! Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow I have a fiddle recital.
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Jane Austen on December 16, 2019
Give me a bath gin. (https://www.telegraph.co.uk/food-and-drink/gin/bath-gin-and-other-british-spirits-jane-austen-would-give-a-wink/) Nero's paying.
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Mary Cartwright on December 17, 2019
'Tis chaos theory which brings us all here. Make mine a Bloody Mary.
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Ignatius J. Reilly on December 17, 2019
I mingle with my peers or no one, and since I have no peers, I mingle with no one.
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Saki on December 18, 2019
[finds somewhere else to sit]
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: J. J. Thomson on December 18, 2019
Would you mind changing the channel?


That video is giving me a headache.
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Édith Piaf on December 19, 2019
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Jenny Agutter on December 20, 2019
I'll have a hair of the dog that bit me.
Or maybe the whole head.
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Jack Russell on December 21, 2019
Are you talking to me?
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Samuel L. Jackson on December 21, 2019
I'm here researching my role for Snakes in a Pub.
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Ralph Fiennes on December 22, 2019
Me too!
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Donna Tartt on December 23, 2019
...based on what I think it may be my best book yet.
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Jean-François Champollion on December 23, 2019
Let us hope the nuance isn't lost in translation.
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Carol Vorderman on December 24, 2019
Did somebody mention snakes? (https://twitter.com/carolvorders/status/807312390324912128)
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Humphrey Bogart on December 25, 2019
I gave up drinking once. It was the worst afternoon of my entire life.
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Mary Somerville on December 26, 2019
All I've got is one of these. Will it buy anything?

(https://prettygoodbritain.com/wp/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/RBSnote.jpg)
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Thomas Gray on December 26, 2019
I'll write you a poem if you pay my tab.
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Louis Pasteur on December 27, 2019
Little old lady got mutilated late last night
it wasn’t Jack Russell that gave her a bite,
but a wolfman, and sadly, there is no vaccine
except a silver bullet from the vending machine
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Arthur Eddington on December 28, 2019
What did the proton say to the electron?
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Mary Tyler Moore on December 29, 2019
"Why do you have to be so negative all the time?"
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Ted Danson on December 29, 2019
Beats the hell out of me. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SVG1YGdoCWo)
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Patti Smith on December 30, 2019
It's a marvelous night for a moondance



Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Rudyard Kipling on December 30, 2019
Patti had a little horse
Its mane was white as snow
And everywhere that Patti went
The horse was sure to go;
It followed her to t'pub one night
A thirsty beast was he...


Still waiting for my pisco sour over here. Is this what you call service?
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Anthony Hopkins on December 31, 2019
(https://prettygoodbritain.com/wp/wp-content/uploads/2019/09/westworld.jpg)
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Marie Tussaud on December 01, 2020
Waxing nostalgic is an occupational hazard.
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Willa Cather on December 07, 2020
Whatever we had missed, we possessed together the precious, the incommunicable past.
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Noam Chomsky on December 07, 2020
If it’s a day which will live in infamy, it must be Monday.
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Sammy Davis Jr. on December 08, 2020
I knew a man Bojangles and he danced for you.
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: James Thurber on December 08, 2020
Inscrutable to the last.
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Dalton Trumbo on December 09, 2020
I'm Spartacus.
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: John Milton on December 09, 2020
Grateful digressions, and solve high dispute
With conjugal caresses: from his lip
Not words alone pleased her.


My mind has gone unaccountably blank.
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Grace Hopper on December 09, 2020
Is that a slide rule in your pocket, or are you just happy with your sums?
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Ada Lovelace on December 10, 2020
We meet again. (https://www.notanothercyclingforum.net/index.php?topic=2008.msg11229#msg11229)
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Emily Dickinson on December 10, 2020
Tell the truth but tell it slant
I know you can – don't say you can't
a story told too literally
is not likely to interest me
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Overheard on December 14, 2020
Quote
OK, I make no pretenses of knowing what life is all about. But I have spent a enough time on this spinning blue ball to tell you what it is not:

Life is not Cake or Death. (https://www.nakedcapitalism.com/2020/12/links-12-13-2020.html#comment-3483027)

There are nuances, shades of gray, degrees of risk, sides of a story, and more than one way to skin a cat.

But try to talk to people about politics, and it always gets resolved to either “Cake or Death”.

Try to talk to a politician about policy, and it always gets resolved to either “Cake or Death”.

Try to talk to a Preacher about religion and our place in the Cosmos, and it always, as sure as Buddha rose on the third day and saw his shadow, gets resolved to either “Cake or Death”.

And God help you if you ever have to talk money with a bean counter, because “Cake or Death” is the motto of every MBA program on the effing earth.

Not following this? Fine, let me ‘splain it. Not every decision can be made so effing lead pipe simple that the only choice is a beacon to the blind, a symphony to the deaf, or hot fiery awful death. There is no intelligence in “Cake or death”. Monkeys could make the call and be a damned sight quicker about it. Offer a spider monkey some delicious bundt cake, and a ball of vipers, and see what happens. That’s right, the cake is gone and the snakes get an aversion complex. Maybe they would like some cake until they get over it?

If I am forced to walk this earth surrounded by only cake picking monkeys, than so be it. Monkeys are fairly entertaining, or at least they are when you tease them. But Noooo! I have to drag this earthly bondage along to God knows what end surrounded by people that claim to be intelligent, and whose only response to a complex issue is to ask “can you give me the Cake or Death version?”

AUUUUGGGGGHHHH!

Hey, I like a rigged game as much as the next guy. You know, “heads I get cake, tails you lose your cake to me”. Go ahead, flip a coin. Be daring. Sport.

I curse the life that is “Cake or Death”, and all that sail in her.
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Freeman Dyson on December 15, 2020
The total energy required for indefinite survival is finite. Pour me another universe of possibilities, (https://www.centauri-dreams.org/2015/01/23/who-will-read-the-encyclopedia-galactica/) barkeep.
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Overheard on December 16, 2020
Quote
Johnson’s technique for dealing with problems (https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2020/dec/15/boris-johnson-pandemic-britain-christmas-covid) is to let them run out of control, building to a point of sufficient crisis that delay is no longer viable. That way the choice becomes perversely easier because there are fewer options left. Wait long enough and there might be only one.

That is how he has dealt with Brexit. He imagines that brinkmanship is a negotiating strategy to wring concessions out of Brussels, but in reality it is just a way to simplify the decision by eliminating options that needed time to develop. He lets procrastination do the heavy lifting. He can then tell himself (and his audience) that the final outcome, while not perfect, is the best available solution. And maybe it is. But only because it is so late in the day and all the better solutions have long since expired.

It is a chaotic way to run anything: leaving it all to the last minute, relying on a critical mass of external pressure to get motivated. As a way of governing in a pandemic it is disastrous because there is no slack time between deadlines. The moment to make the tough choices is always now. The rate at which good options decay is exponential. The virus thrives on indecision. Johnson’s method is effective for one thing, though: it guarantees a sustained pitch of political drama, with the figure of the prime minister lit centre stage. It forces the nation to hang on his word, waiting for him to act, while the consequences of his inaction play out. That bathes him in an aura of power, but it is not leadership.
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Archduke Franz Ferdinand on December 18, 2020
Can't we all just get along?

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Post by: Albert Michelson on December 19, 2020
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Pieter de Hooch on December 20, 2020
If it wasn't for open doors I might have made a living painting doors.
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Frank Zappa on December 21, 2020
It can't happen here
I'm telling you, my dear
That it can't happen here
Because I been checkin' it out, baby
I checked it out a couple
A times, hmmmmmmmm
And I'm telling you
It can't happen here
Oh darling, it's important
That you believe me
(Bop bop bop bop bop)
That it can't happen here.
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Rebecca West on December 21, 2020
There is no such thing as conversation. It is an illusion. There are intersecting monologues, that is all.
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Edwin Arlington Robinson on December 22, 2020
I shall have more to say when I am dead.
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Joseph Smith on December 23, 2020
KNOCK-KNOCK (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9JacoaohBg4&t=2m00s)

Who's there?

GOD

You what?

I WOULD SMITE THEE FOR RUINING MY PUNCHLINE

I don't believe you even had a punchline.

OH YE OF LITTLE FAITH, THAT'S STRIKE TWO

Go on then, God who?

GOD WHO CREATED HEAVEN AND EARTH AND ALL THINGS WHICH CREEPETH

Where's the joke?

LIFE IS A COMEDY TO THOSE WHO THINK

Is this your way of saying humanity is the punchline?

(RESUMES THE SILENT TREATMENT)
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Howard Hughes on December 24, 2020
Knock-knock

Who's there?

Howard Hughes

Howard who?

No, Hughes

Oh, right. PPE deliveries in the back, Howard.
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Henri Matisse on December 31, 2020
Sacré bleu, c'est Blondie. (https://joshreads.com/2020/11/hell-in-a-white-collar-cell/) Mais quand c'est vrai, c'est vrai.

(https://prettygoodbritain.com/wp/wp-content/uploads/2020/12/blondie-1.gif)
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Paul Revere on January 01, 2021
The British are leaving, the British are leaving.
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Louis Braille on January 04, 2021

"All copyrights belong to more talented people."
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Aaron Pelvis on January 08, 2021
I called a wrong number and somebody picked up. It was Best Quality Vacuum, in Albuquerque. We got to chatting, and it turned out he could give me a new identity. So here I am, tending bar and organising the pub quiz.
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Andy Kaufman on January 17, 2021
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Annë Brontë on January 17, 2021
Everyone’s a diacritic.
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Auguste Comte on January 19, 2021
I try to stay positive.
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Edith Wharton on January 24, 2021
If you make up your mind not to be happy there’s no reason why you shouldn’t have a fairly good time.
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Virginia Woolf on January 25, 2021
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Lon Chaney Jr. on February 10, 2021
Nominative determinism is an aphrodisiac, Virginia. My I call you Virginia? It does so roll off the tongue.
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Alex Comfort on February 10, 2021
(https://prettygoodbritain.com/wp/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/yoda350.jpg)
Hungry like the wolf am I. (https://youtu.be/DjcCQsRCHUs)
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Stella Adler on February 10, 2021
Has that line ever worked on anyone?
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Anna Pavlova on February 12, 2021
We have saying in Russia: Я хочу быть твоим самым любимым здравствуй и самым сложным прощай.

translation
I want to be your favorite hello and your hardest goodbye.
[close]
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Chuck Yeager on February 13, 2021
Has that line ever worked on anyone?

Something mighty similar worked faster than the speed of sound on my filly Glennis.
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Randolph Churchill on February 13, 2021
My silver tongue ginned up Jenny. (https://www.notanothercyclingforum.net/index.php?topic=2008.msg12298#msg12298)
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Bess Truman on February 13, 2021
Harry was a plain speaker, which mother and I appreciated.
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Dorothy Bliss on February 13, 2021
I agree with Jordan Peterson. Men are like lobsters. As a pioneer in the field of hormonal control in crustaceans, I should know. My point being, kindly remove your claw from my tail, Lord Randolph, or you shall lose it in such a way that it does not grow back.
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Sonny Bono on February 16, 2021
Sidles up to Dorothy, motioning to the bartender and pointing to her drink: "I got this babe."
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Helen Gurley Brown on February 18, 2021
As long as you're buying, make mine a cosmo, natch.
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Carson McCullers on February 19, 2021
I think it might be about time I switched to Shirley Temples.
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Overheard on February 19, 2021
Quote
One of my formative American experiences of guns (https://yacf.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=118332.msg2595581#msg2595581) involved pumpkins, assorted other unfortunate squash, crayfish, and the backwoods of West Virginia. For some reason I got myself invited to a crawfish boil. I'm not sure why as I like crustaceans about as much as they like me. But hey, there was the promise of beer and when in Virginia with a girl called Mary Lou and she's y'all-ing for the Dixie olympics, you go with the flow because you know where you'd like it to go. Plus she promised to show me where the Waltons lived, which turned out not to be a euphemism.

Anyway, we crossed the state line. Maps were consulted. Further and further we went, trees edging closer to the road. Daylight got more squeezed. It turned out that none of us actually knew the hosts, they were friends of someone's brother's cousin (never to try to unpick these family relationships would be my advice) who had mentioned en passant that the event was happening. So, we were basically gatecrashing a redneck party.

Now you know it's a party when you get to the end of the driveway, or rather rutted track, and there's some balloons or a banner, maybe a sign saying 'crawfish boil this way.' Not in WV, there's a big fella leaning on a pump action. Y'all here for the 'fish? I'm not arguing. Why yes, good sir we are. You ain't from round here? Sarcasm, go stand on the corner and shut the fuck up, the man has a gun.

So, anyway, another ten miles of track lands us on Planet Pick-Up truck. You know how it is when you arrive at a party underdressed. I felt undergunned. A small army would have felt undergunned. Mary Lou? Paul? Not one of us had thought to bring a weapon. These people made it look like the crawfish might be fomenting armed rebellion. They weren't going to go quietly into that oil drum of boiling cajun-spiced water.

So, in short order, beer was consumed. Two hundred and fifty pounds of crawfish met an unseemly demise, of which I ate about one. As my brain started to go sudsy rockabout, the shooting starts. Now all good Americans want to see English people shoot guns. Trust me, like the accent, it holds an ineffable attraction. So I find myself holding a small cannon in one hand and a beer in the other. Mary Lou appears with a borrowed assault rifle, looks my limply clutched handgun up and down, and shakes her head before putting a 7.62 mm round through a pumpkin far enough away to be in the next county. Suddenly, about 200 pair of eyes fall on me. Shoot the pumpkin, English. I don't think this shit ever happened on the Waltons. I don't think Mary Lou is going to offer any favours to a boy who won't kill a pumpkin so I down the beer, slug some bourbon and take aim and – every varmint in the state duck – start massacring trees. Then everyone is shooting. It's like a small war. Someone zooms by me on a quad bike with a machine gun in one hand, splattering veg left right and centre. It's like an organic veg version of Mad Max.

I've no idea how many people died that night. My ears rang for about four days. Mary Lou never looked at me quite the same. I think you shot a squirrel, she said. Collateral damage.
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Pierre Boulle on February 20, 2021
A monkey goes into a bar and orders a martini. This totally amazes the bartender, but he thinks, "What the heck, I guess I might as well make the drink." So he mixes the martini. He then walks back over to the give it to the monkey, who is holding out a twenty-dollar bill. Now the bartender is at a loss for words. He can't believe that a monkey walked into his bar, ordered a martini, and then actually had a twenty-dollar bill to pay for it.

In amazement, he takes the twenty and walks to the cash register to make the change. While he's standing in front of the register he stops for a second and thinks to himself, "Let me try something here and see if the monkey notices anything."

So he walks back over and hands him a dollar change. The monkey just sits there sipping the martini. After a few minutes the bartender just can't take it anymore.

"You know," he says, "we don't get too many monkeys in here."

And the monkey says, "At nineteen dollars a drink I'm not surprised."
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Ansel Adams on February 20, 2021
This all sounds very unlikely. Did he get a picture of the monkey?
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: W. H. Auden on February 21, 2021
Stop all the clocks? Surely you jest
They’re in everything, I can cover them at best.
The phone is turned off, this I can do
Even if it’s the first it’s been dark from new.

So now here we sit, apart from all life
The silence is total, it cuts like a knife.
Are you sure I can’t check the phone for a sec?
I promise to avert my eyes from the time
Here’s a bonus line, since that didn’t rhyme.
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: John Henry Newman on February 21, 2021
Did you know I was a poet too?
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Nina Simone on February 21, 2021
Yes. Trying to read The Dream of Gerontius brings new meaning to redemptive suffering.
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: George Washington on February 22, 2021
Did it not put a spell on you?

That bit of housekeeping taken care of, I'm here for my my birthday (https://www.notanothercyclingforum.net/index.php?topic=434.0) drink. Who's buying?

(https://prettygoodbritain.com/wp/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/patriotdrink300.jpg)
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Seven of Nine on February 22, 2021
I will purchase your cocktail for you. We have a lot in common. I cannot tell a lie either.

(https://prettygoodbritain.com/wp/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/79-200.jpg)
No, I have not been poured into this. I am a solid, not a liquid. Why do you ask?
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Samuel Pepys on February 23, 2021
Of late I have found the long stretch between breakfast and lunch to be insupportable without further repast. And so to brunch.
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Joseph Banks on February 24, 2021
Do you mind if I put this (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Society_of_Dilettanti) in the window?

(https://prettygoodbritain.com/wp/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/dilettanti525.jpg)
Brainstorm (https://youtu.be/GtU05dXON6o) fuelled by cookies
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Lydia Becker on February 24, 2021
Say what you will about Hillary, she is a smart cookie.
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Anthony Burgess on February 25, 2021
Biscotti, by my reckoning.
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Enrico Caruso on February 25, 2021
Is it karaoke night?
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Pierre-Auguste Renoir on February 25, 2021
I'm honoured that you've hired me to paint the WC. The queen of all colours being black, that's what I'll be going with.
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Johnny Cash on February 26, 2021
Good choice.
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Constantine the Great on February 27, 2021
Has anyone seen Fausta? She said she had to go to the ladies' room and hasn't returned.
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Michel de Montaigne on February 28, 2021
No, sorry.

So as I was saying, an untempted woman cannot boast of her chastity. This did not prove to be the pickup line I had anticipated.
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Barbara Acklin on February 28, 2021
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Post by: Roger Daltrey on March 01, 2021
When I say, "I love you," you say, "You better."
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Lytton Strachey on March 01, 2021
The important thing is not what they think of me, but what I think of them.
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Dr. Seuss on March 02, 2021
"Think! You can think any Think that you wish!"
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Grete Hermann on March 02, 2021
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Overheard on March 03, 2021
Quote
KEEP IT IN YOUR HEAD! (https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/4181005-Whats-the-best-quote-you-have-heard-from-a-parent-in-passing)
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Gerardus Mercator on March 05, 2021
You're projecting.
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Ring Lardner on March 06, 2021
Shut up, he explained.
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Cyrano de Bergerac on March 06, 2021
Wait a minute. What was that about my nose?
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: EBB on March 06, 2021
How do I love thy nose? Let me count the ways. I love its length and breadth. It would make a fine sundial for your face, or a perch for a family of pince-nez. If the nose knows, yours knows all. It is three noses in one. I could go on.

(https://www.notanothercyclingforum.net/acf/pics/pince.jpg)
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Piet Mondrian on March 07, 2021
I like the art on your walls. Is this one for sale?

(https://prettygoodbritain.com/wp/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/mondrian.gif)
Mutts © 2013 Patrick McDonnell           found here (https://www.sparehed.com/)
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Juana de Ibarbourou on March 08, 2021
Hola, me contrataron para escribir poesía erótica en los baños. ¿Está mi traductor aquí?
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Vita Sackville-West on March 09, 2021
Verily does my garden grow merrily.
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Amerigo Vespucci on March 09, 2021
This is not the first time I’ve felt a stranger in a strange land.
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: William Etty on March 10, 2021
A sticking plaster for your crumbling walls:

(https://i.imgur.com/t5ibz0H.jpg)

I call this one Queen of the Orgy, though the Royal Academy changed the title. (https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:William_Etty_-_Pandora_Crowned_by_the_Seasons,_1824.jpg) How boring are they. Buy it, get Orgy II (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:The_Sirens_and_Ulysses_by_William_Etty,_1837_(Sirens).jpg) half price.
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Mary of Woodstock on March 11, 2021
I was at Woodstock.
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Overheard on March 11, 2021
The Straight Dope (https://www.straightdope.com/21341901/what-s-the-meaning-of-the-expression-that-s-the-exception-that-proves-the-rule) examines the exception that proves the rule:

Quote
We need something that better conveys the import of this ancient maxim. I have just the thing — an illustration from the Roman orator Cicero, sometimes cited as the source of the legal doctrine in question.

Cicero was defending one Bilbo. (No relation to Frodo.) Bilbo was a non-Roman who was accused of having been illegally granted Roman citizenship. The prosecutor argued that treaties with some non-Roman peoples explicitly prohibited them from becoming Roman citizens. The treaty with Bilbo's homeboys had no such clause, but the prosecutor suggested one should be inferred.

Nonsense, said Cicero. "Quod si exceptio facit ne liceat, ubi non sit exceptum..." Oops, I keep forgetting how rusty folks are on subjunctives. Cicero said, if you prohibit something in certain cases, you imply that the rest of the time it’s permitted. To put it another way, the explicit statement of an exception proves that a rule to the contrary prevails otherwise.

You can see where an argument like this would come in handy in traffic court.
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Douglas Adams on March 11, 2021
I take exception to rulers: they're too straight. Space is curved.
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Jack Kerouac on March 12, 2021
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Charles Grey on March 13, 2021
More tea, Ray? (https://tvone.tv/79791/more-tea-quincy-jones-says-ray-charles-got-him-addicted-to-heroin/)
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Abigail Fillmore on March 13, 2021
I'll have some. This blend is Millard's fav.
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Percival Lowell on March 13, 2021
The next round's on me, whatever you're drinking. Perseverance has finally paid off! According to my sources in NASA, the rover has discovered the canals I told everybody about ages ago, and is presently compiling a database, much like Google Street View. It has also run into Curiosity, (https://www.notanothercyclingforum.net/index.php?topic=111.msg287#msg287) who was overjoyed at the company and clearly way off grid.

You won't find any of this on mainstream news sources, so don't bother looking.
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Casey Jones on March 14, 2021
Are you sure those aren't train tracks?
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Post by: Albert Einstein on March 14, 2021
When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Julius Caesar on March 15, 2021
It's been a rough day.
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Post by: Neville Chamberlain on March 18, 2021
I hate to go Godwin, but did yours include Hitler?
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Rabbit Angstrom on March 18, 2021
A man's real possession is his memory. In nothing else is he rich, in nothing else is he poor.
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Overheard on March 19, 2021
Quote
Whatever the fiasco, aplomb is unbroken. Mistakes, failures, stupidities and other causes of disaster mysteriously vanish. Disasters are recorded with care and pride and become transmuted into things of beauty. Official histories record every move in monumental and infinite detail but the details serve to obscure.

Barbara Tuchman, on official British accounts of the Second World War in Burma
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: David Livingstone on March 19, 2021
I've been looking for the source of the Nile. This doesn't appear to be it.
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Post by: Richard Francis Burton on March 19, 2021
I had ascertained that as well.
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Post by: Mario Molina on March 19, 2021
Do you two mind if I join you for a drink? Wherever I go, the hole in the ozone layer seems to be following me around.
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Post by: Fred McFeely Rogers on March 20, 2021
Do you know why I wear a sweater, (http://prettygoodbritain.com/leedsleek.html#jumper) boys and girls? It's because when I get angry – it's OK to be angry, for example if someone steals your parking space (this will happen when you get older), or changes the channel when you're watching me on TV – when I get mad, I turn into the Incredible Hulk, who you may have also seen on TV. Sweaters stretch, so I don't have to keep buying new ones. Can you say frugal, boys and girls? Of course you can.

Unfortunately I often forget to loosen my necktie and half-strangle myself, which puts me even more into a rage. But the important thing is that I calm down afterwards, my rampage having made me feel better. This drink the bartender has just given me also makes me feel better. When you reach the legal age for self-medication, you'll see what I'm talking about.

Tomorrow we'll learn how to count to 12.
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Post by: George Owen Squier on March 21, 2021
Not many people know this, but Muzak was the result of a lab experiment gone terribly wrong. It wouldn't have happened with today's health & safety protocols in place.
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Post by: James T. Kirk on March 22, 2021
Barkeep, please tell that delightful creature keeping herself to herself in the corner booth that her next drink is on me, and that I’d do her. (https://twitter.com/WilliamShatner/status/1272705262806355968)
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Post by: Marcel Marceau on March 22, 2021
[Mimes "Why am I not surprised."]
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Post by: Spock on March 26, 2021
[Returns to booth holding drink for his date, sees she's already sipping one and making eyes at Kirk, notices Kirk for the first time, does a double take, says Oh My God and walks out of pub.]
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Post by: Tennessee Williams on March 26, 2021
I got the idea for Cat on a Hot Tin Roof after throwing a cat on a hot tin roof for inspiration. The cat was unharmed, but boy was she mad.
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Post by: Wilhelm Röntgen on March 27, 2021
I was compelled to discover X-rays after seeing an ad in a comic book for these amazing spectacles, ordering them, and being disappointed that the reality did not quite (https://groovyhistory.com/comic-book-ads-sea-monkeys-x-ray) measure up to the promise.

(https://i.imgur.com/IcmSL60.jpg)

The episode sparked my scientific curiousity and played a pivotal role in my choice of career.

When receiving my Nobel Prize I credited the novelty company in my acceptance speech, but this was cut "due to time constraints".
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Post by: Nelson Algren on March 28, 2021
I bought those as a gag gift for Simone, but she took them completely seriously. She claimed to be able to see into my soul, which disenchanted her so much she ran back into the arms of Jean-Paul. Talk about backfiring.
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Post by: Vincent van Gogh on March 30, 2021

Never should've watched Resevoir Dogs. Always makes my other ear (https://www.theartnewspaper.com/blog/did-van-gogh-cut-off-his-ear-or-was-it-only-part-of-the-ear) twitch.
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Post by: Clementine Churchill on April 01, 2021
Winston painted me like Jack did Rose in Titanic. It's now in a private collection.
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Post by: Marlon Brando on April 03, 2021
I'll have a Stella Artois. [Struggles to be heard over the jukebox] Stella. STELLA!!
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Post by: Bette Davis on April 05, 2021
I was the female Marlon Brando of my generation, you know. (http://content.time.com/time/subscriber/article/0,33009,870076,00.html)
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Post by: Gregory Peck on April 05, 2021
Only not as pretty.
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Post by: Thomas Hobbes on April 05, 2021
My mother gave birth to twins: myself and Fear. He can be a bit of a loudmouth.
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Post by: Fear on April 05, 2021
Yo Greg – I loved you in that flick with the leviathan. That was pure poetry, man.

(https://www.notanothercyclingforum.net/acf/pics/mobydick.jpg)
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Post by: Booker T. Washington on April 05, 2021
No, I didn't invent the peanut. Next question?
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Post by: Raphael on April 06, 2021
Have you ever been mistaken for a mutant ninja turtle?
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Post by: Leo on April 15, 2021
Join the club. (I'm a little early, but what's a little database voodoo between paisano.)
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Post by: Nadar on April 06, 2021
(https://i.imgur.com/Z9gOgA2.gif)
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Post by: Walter Winchell on April 07, 2021
The same thing happened today that happened yesterday, only to different people.
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Post by: Billie Holiday on April 07, 2021
We were different people yesterday.
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Post by: Betty Ford on April 08, 2021
Meet you all under the table. (https://www.historybyzim.com/2017/08/betty-ford-dancing-on-the-cabinet-room-table-1977/)

(https://i.imgur.com/7SomebG.jpg)
I've been danced upon (https://youtu.be/f5v2fGPfvl8)
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Post by: Tom Lehrer on April 09, 2021
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Post by: Jane Bolin on April 11, 2021
Anyone here who doesn't have a Wikipedia page (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jane_Bolin)?
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Post by: Guy Fawkes on April 13, 2021
Nothing succeeds like failure, in my case.
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Post by: Thomas Jefferson on April 13, 2021
I suggested We the Peeps,  but Gouverneur Morris (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gouverneur_Morris), an aristocrat to the core, didn't take my advice.

Search his page for "whalebone" and be prepared to wince.
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Post by: Samuel Beckett on April 13, 2021
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Post by: Cookie Bunny on April 13, 2021
Heavy, man.
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Post by: Anne Sullivan on April 14, 2021
Chatter in the pub comes to an abrupt halt. Even Helen Keller, playing darts with Sullivan, somehow senses this; she misses the dartboard and hits Samuel Beckett, who absent-mindedly says "Ouch". They approach the newcomer and introduce themselves, Keller running her hands over the bunny to get a good mental image. "Cookie Bunny," says Cookie Bunny. Sullivan happens to have a cookie in her pocket. She gives it to Keller, who offers it to her new friend. Fortunately this breaks the ice and the pub goes back to its regular hubbub.


(On a more serious note, it pays to watch things like THIS (https://youtu.be/KLqyKeMQfmY) every once in a while.)
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Post by: Henry James on April 15, 2021
The chap in the film certainly turned out to be an ugly American.


Everybody do the monster mash.

(https://i.imgur.com/RJYNrTy.jpg)
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Post by: John Franklin on April 16, 2021

It's like they were there!
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Post by: Spike Milligan on April 16, 2021
My dear captain
here's some advice:
don't sail your ships
into the ice
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Post by: Henry Mancini on April 16, 2021
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Post by: Dusty Springfield on April 16, 2021
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Post by: Gerry Rafferty on April 16, 2021
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Post by: Thornton Wilder on April 17, 2021
It seems to me that once in your life before you die you ought to see a country where they don't talk in English and don't even want to.
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Post by: Sirimavo Bandaranaike on April 17, 2021
Don't look at us – once you've started, it's hard to stop.
Title: The Slaughtered Lamb
Post by: Clarence Darrow on April 18, 2021
I'm happy to defend werewolves. Everyone is entitled to a lawyer.