NACF
~ => Open => Topic started by: Auntie on December 09, 2019
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I'm Emma Barnett, and this is a special edition of Question Time for young people. We as a nation are fucked, but they are especially fucked. Our panel:
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Robert Jenrick, secretary of smugness, Conservative; Angela 'Educating' Rayner, shadow secretary of utopia;
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Jo Swinson, leader of the Untrustables; Nigel Farage, leader and founder of the Untouchables;
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Humza Yousaf, Braveheart; Adam Price, stuck inside of Cardiff with the Carmarthen blues again;
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and Jonathan Bartley of the Greens, who I think we can all agree looks like the mature Matt LeBlanc if he turns his head the right way.
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Our audience has been selected from a pool of those who can't find a date and have nothing better to do tonight.
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"My question is, what's the point of voting?"
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I believe you have a question, young miss?
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"Do Scottish blokes wear anything under their kilts?"
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I'm afraid we only have time for one more before I return to the darkness from whence I came.
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"How would you solve the housing crisis? Will I ever be able to afford one, or will I have to raise my family in a large shoe?"
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Don't everybody speak at once.
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I beg of you all, let's please end this on a high note.
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Decisions, decisions:
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I call this one "On the run from democracy". It's a highly illicit photo I took after casting my ballot. The lesson is, shoot first, ask questions later. (https://www.notanothercyclingforum.net/acf/index.php?topic=52018.0)
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Civic duty accomplished, I stopped by the village shop and wondered if it might be possible to vote again.
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Hey, they were on the ballot!
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The old "Vote for us or I’ll kill this dog” gambit
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Would "Vote for us or you'll be up against the wall" work its magic, instead?
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Or would Jo Swinson, shown here swiping through Pinterest for ideas to redecorate No. 10, pull off the upset of the century?
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Pre-coverage coverage. To save licence fee payer's money, news readers are powered down when not in use
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And they're off! A nation gallops to the polls and orders a whiskey
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Votes are counted along with a representative sampling of rubbish, for technical reasons
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The entire process is carefully monitored and adjusted to account for tactical voting
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More ballots for Conservatives are rushed in when needed
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Jeremy Corbyn has a premonition of the will of the people
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Boris flies in from a secret location having just recieved reassurances from Darth Vader that the empire will not be handed over to Labour, no matter what the results
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Sometimes you're the deer, sometimes you're the headlights
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Theresa May is accidentally allowed on camera
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Labour Instagram influencers are trotted out
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In a perplexing development, processing of ballots is outsourced to gilets jaunes
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There is more excited running back and forth
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They thought they were electing the pope – nobody had the heart to tell them otherwise
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Nicola Sturgeon, as always, is thinking of England
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In a last minute appeal to swing voters, Jo movingly describes the crisis of conscience which repeatedly causes her to adjust her principles
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Nigel Farage says he swallowed his ballot paper
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Count Binface, actually a terminator sent from the future to stop the Conservatives, is thwarted when Elmo throws himself in front of Boris
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Dominic Cummings spotted leaving the scene of Elmo's 'accident' afterwards. There are rumours he was tying up loose ends
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Now decisively chosen by the nation to be its leader, the prime minister announces his relief that the little dog didn't have to be killed after all
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Protesting the mute button
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Dominic Grieve is calmly accepting of his electoral fate and smoothly changes career to hitman-for-hire
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Nicola shows off her new phone screen, now set to Happy Dance
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Corbyn claims the Force is still with Labour, vowing "We shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine"
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Mind where you point that thing