NACF

~ => Freewheeling => Topic started by: Auntie on December 09, 2019

Title: Election Time
Post by: Auntie on December 09, 2019
(https://prettygoodbritain.com/wp/wp-content/uploads/2019/12/barnett.jpg)
I'm Emma Barnett, and this is a special edition of Question Time for young people. We as a nation are fucked, but they are especially fucked. Our panel:

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Robert Jenrick, secretary of smugness, Conservative; Angela 'Educating' Rayner, shadow secretary of utopia;

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Jo Swinson, leader of the Untrustables; Nigel Farage, leader and founder of the Untouchables;

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Humza Yousaf, Braveheart; Adam Price, stuck inside of Cardiff with the Carmarthen blues again;

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and Jonathan Bartley of the Greens, who I think we can all agree looks like the mature Matt LeBlanc if he turns his head the right way.

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Our audience has been selected from a pool of those who can't find a date and have nothing better to do tonight.

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"My question is, what's the point of voting?"

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I believe you have a question, young miss?

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"Do Scottish blokes wear anything under their kilts?"

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I'm afraid we only have time for one more before I return to the darkness from whence I came.

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"How would you solve the housing crisis? Will I ever be able to afford one, or will I have to raise my family in a large shoe?"

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Don't everybody speak at once.

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I beg of you all, let's please end this on a high note.


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Title: I ❤ voting
Post by: Citizen X on December 12, 2019
Decisions, decisions:

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I call this one "On the run from democracy". It's a highly illicit photo I took after casting my ballot. The lesson is, shoot first, ask questions later. (https://www.notanothercyclingforum.net/acf/index.php?topic=52018.0)

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Civic duty accomplished, I stopped by the village shop and wondered if it might be possible to vote again.

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Hey, they were on the ballot!





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The old "Vote for us or I’ll kill this dog” gambit

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Would "Vote for us or you'll be up against the wall" work its magic, instead?

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Or would Jo Swinson, shown here swiping through Pinterest for ideas to redecorate No. 10, pull off the upset of the century?

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Pre-coverage coverage. To save licence fee payer's money, news readers are powered down when not in use

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And they're off! A nation gallops to the polls and orders a whiskey

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Votes are counted along with a representative sampling of rubbish, for technical reasons

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The entire process is carefully monitored and adjusted to account for tactical voting

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More ballots for Conservatives are rushed in when needed

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Jeremy Corbyn has a premonition of the will of the people

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Boris flies in from a secret location having just recieved reassurances from Darth Vader that the empire will not be handed over to Labour, no matter what the results

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Sometimes you're the deer, sometimes you're the headlights

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Theresa May is accidentally allowed on camera

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Labour Instagram influencers are trotted out

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In a perplexing development, processing of ballots is outsourced to gilets jaunes

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There is more excited running back and forth

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They thought they were electing the pope – nobody had the heart to tell them otherwise

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Nicola Sturgeon, as always, is thinking of England

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In a last minute appeal to swing voters, Jo movingly describes the crisis of conscience which repeatedly causes her to adjust her principles

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Nigel Farage says he swallowed his ballot paper

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Count Binface, actually a terminator sent from the future to stop the Conservatives, is thwarted when Elmo throws himself in front of Boris

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Dominic Cummings spotted leaving the scene of Elmo's 'accident' afterwards. There are rumours he was tying up loose ends

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Now decisively chosen by the nation to be its leader, the prime minister announces his relief that the little dog didn't have to be killed after all

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Protesting the mute button

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Dominic Grieve is calmly accepting of his electoral fate and smoothly changes career to hitman-for-hire

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Nicola shows off her new phone screen, now set to Happy Dance

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Corbyn claims the Force is still with Labour, vowing "We shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine"

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Mind where you point that thing