20 Questions with Hamilton

[Detectorist]

Did you discuss and plan having children, or did it just happen and you were both like "Yay! (or whatever exclamation of joy is utilised in the Hamilton household), a kid or kids."

[Ham]

No.

Spoiler

More? OK

For the first close to 40 years of my life, my attitude to kids was influenced strongly by my own experience, both as a person and as a child being parented. My conclusion was that childhood was it was a pretty shit thing to be experiencing, and parents really mucked things up with the best of intentions. It has to be said that you would not have been able to discern that from external observation, and it took some years to crystallise, doing so at the point where I might have considered the implications of parenthood.

Now this is very different from saying that they fuck you up, your mum and dad. I reckon that you fuck yourself up, mostly. Parents (again, mostly) do their best but the outcome can be pretty shit, sometimes. The upshot is that I did not want kids, and particularly not the “mini me” that so many seem to want. I adjusted rather well to the bachelor lifestyle.

With the benefit of hindsight and experience, I would actually say my conclusion, while understandable, was simply wrong.

Now, you may have noticed that in the comment on the menu above, I suggested that meal was a seminal moment, but didn’t go too much into explanation. One of the items I omitted is that two other guests at the meal were his wife with his four months old daughter (who didn't seem to appreciate the food, strangely). Another item is that, (leaving out a wealth of intervening detail) that child is who I regard as my daughter; and I don’t imagine I would feel differently about her if she were “actually” mine. There might have been other brothers or sisters, but that’s not how it fell out.

[close]

[Detectorist]

What's the first strong lesson you remember learning as a child?

[Ham]

"Strong Lesson" - that suggests something more than learning - for example - "Fire is hot", "Falling hurts" or "Volunteering as the rope in a tug of war between my two bigger (5+7 years older) brothers isn't a good idea". But here's the thing, most things you learn are over a period, this so rarely happens. Those things involve a period of introspection that likely takes more than the whole of your childhood.

But as it happens, I have an answer for you. And, we're back to books. I learned to read quite young, by the time I went to school at 5 (I'm an August baby) I was reasonably fluent, and I had progressed past the "Janet & John" primer. So, my first day at school involved learning that all the other children in class could not read the book we had been presented with. I learned that it felt quite good to be achieving. I distinctly remember bringing the book back home and triumphantly saying to my parents "I can read this!"

Their response - "We know you can, dear" - taught me the strong lesson at an early age: life will be full of disappointment.

ETA I wonder if......of course there are facsimiles on line

[Detectorist]

Please forgive me if this sounds like an aggressive performance evaluation, but what on earth you tryna do? In other words, without necessarily invoking a higher power, have you ever felt like you were put here to do something in particular?