A Humbug geek guide fer peeps - lots ov answers yer just can't find on the interweb
Why is My Computer so Bollox?
Humbug - the radical rabbit
Ter answer this question, first ov all I will av ter write the glossary ov technical terms innit becos contrary ter yer expectorations this will actcherly make fings easier.
Also I can use sum acronyms wot are nifty names an shorter ter boot.
BIO - Built in Obsolescence
OS - Hoperatin System
HD - Ard Drive
usb - Easier drive
hardware - ardware
software - pretty pattens fer yer ardware
drivers - ardware codes, mostly armless
RAM - random anxious memory
VGA - video gubbins actcherly
ISP - Interweb Stuff Procurer
Linux Grub - a fing like a libertarian wiggly wurm
PC - Internashianal Business Machine
syspart - where yer boots go
Wot generally hoppens wiv yer computer is first ov all it won't do wot yer want.
Then when yer fink yer got it all sorted it goes on the blink.
Please remember ter back up yer dater becos if yer don't then yer could end up up the syspart wivout a loader innit.
After that yer could do one ov three fings - get a new one, get annuvver old one, or 'fix' it. But if yer ain't got a spare computer it will not be easy ter fix it becos 'Easy PC troubleshootin' an 'MS-DOS Explained' an 'The Debian Gnu/Linux 3.1 Bible' will not help yer wiv the modern computer. Yer mite av ter nobble it instead. Then even if yer can get on the interweb that will probly tell yer eivver too much or not enuff.
Gettin yer head round this aspec ov the BIO is a career in itself innit.
In the olden days a solution ter the BIO wos ter get a Mac, wot had the Mac OS wiv the testy matched hardware, but it wos more expensive an yer got the 32 char filenames limit ov doom. Now it is still more expensive wiv the longer filenames but it ain't got the oles fer all yer cables wot is yet annuvver aspec ov the dredded BIO.
Yer mite fink 'Sod this fer a game ov nobblers I will download the Linux Grub!', an good luck ter yer mate!
Owever if yer (usb) stick wiv the PC then yer got ter choose between the vintage (Ahem) OS or the updatered OS. The vintage OS will do wot it is told sumtimes an it will probly work yer old hardware but it will be a pig in a poke on the interweb.
The updatered OS will do wot it likes wevver yer like it or not an yer will become a minion ov the matrix. Owever yer can get a massive HD an trillions ov RAM an morgidge yer brain fer all the new software again! But, deep down, yer will feel like a pillock.
If yer decide ter get a vintage (Ahem) PC yer can be a geek like me, which is nice,
but it will take weeks ter find sum drivers fer yer VGA an then they will keep poppin out ov wack for evermore, an yer will still feel like a pillock.
But it is not yer fault! It is the jobbies an gatefolds ov tech innit.
Finerly, please beware ov the ISPs becos they will get off ov yer cloud when yer callin a font fer yer web fingy an yer winders will ang toterly wonky.