Author Topic: The waiting room

The waiting room
« on: October 01, 2019 »
I’ve namechanged for this, otherwise it might be too outing.

• I voted Brexit.

No, this isn't another Pumped for Trump bait-and-switch. I do swear and solemnly affirm the above bullet point.

I’m not a Tory. Nor do I automatically support Labour, or any of the other parties. I simply don’t belong to a political party, and never shall (though the LibDems are free to join my club, if they haven't already). I believe the UK took a vote, and it should be honoured; what’s more, I’m glad that mad bad Boris is trying to make it happen, for whatever reason, including democracy.

Parliament has been worse than useless. I’m sorry they were apparently unlawfully prorogued, but that’s a better fate than I would have meted out, which would be to set them on a barge for a Viking funeral. They’d be free to jump off, but I doubt they could reach a consensus.

You could of course take the view that they’ve been a useful roadblock. I might be looking at it that way too, were I a remainer appalled at the outcome of an advisory referendum.

Nasties backed leave, and nasties backed remain. Bedfellows don't matter. I had my own reasons for ticking that box – as did everyone else for choosing as they did – and it wasn’t on the side of a bus, or implanted into my head by [pick a villain]. Nobody should be ashamed about exercising their right to vote.

It is worrying and ridiculous that so many people seem unable to discuss Brexit, at least online, without spitting bile and splitting into tribes camped in echo chambers. Even making this available for theoretical public consumption gave me pause.

Well, it's done. If we exit without a deal or a bad one and the world comes crashing down, you know where to find me. I'll be here at my little printing press, perhaps quoting the prince of the humanists: "No Man is wise at all Times, or is without his blind Side."

The waiting room
« Reply #1 on: October 02, 2019 »
I’m glad to hear you voted for me, like all Americans who want to make America great again. There’s a hat in the mail for you. You’re doing good work over there, Ambassador.

You may have heard – I don’t know what the news is like, how much of the truth you’re allowed to see on the BBC – but you may have heard that congress is trying to impeach me. Pelosi and the others. Never happen. They’ll huff and they’ll puff and they can blow me all they want. [Pause for laughter and applause]

The economy is going great guns. The United States is still the best and envied country in the world, even better now. I’ll still be standing next year. The presidential debates – BRING IT ON. Uncle Joe, Grandpa Bernie, or Pocahontas, no contest. None.

If any of those losers wins, which is literally an impossibility, but if they do, I’ll leave a present in the oval office desk drawer. An autographed copy of my bestselling book Surviving at the Top, which I continue to do despite the fake news media. None of those "reporters" would have jobs without me, so don’t say I’m not a great jobs creator.

People say I should get off Twitter. Even Melania, she begs me “@realDonald, put that phone down and grab me like you used to !” But I am a man of the people and there will be time for grabbing later.

The waiting room
« Reply #2 on: October 03, 2019 »
On Brexit I have no opinion. I try to stay neutral on these things.

It's The Donald who brings me here to mingle with you apes. (No offence, it's a term of affection. I'll admit I picked it up from Lucifer back in the day.) The latest POTUS has that effect. I would smite him, but I'm having too much fun. You know, the sort of fun only a testy old God would consider cosmically amusing: epic floods, plagues, war. "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" – who do you think came up with that?

Smiting happens to be one of my superpowers, for I am the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost: They/Them/Us in New Testament pronouns.

As to the main Democratic challengers so far, all are knocking on heaven's door. Lord knows I'm not ageist, but come on. You need some younger blood in this particular game. Anyway.

We've got those hats available in the gift shop. Who says heaven is boring? Thomas More came in the other day, chatting with Erasmus. He couldn't resist. Tips it for the ladies, sometimes along with his head. The rascal.

He buys lottery tickets too