Author Topic: It wasn't cinematic


« Reply #10 on: August 27, 2016 »
Self-harm by bicycle? Really, Fleabag? I suppose it could happen. It took me an episode to warm up to this "gloriously rude update of Bridget Jones's Diary" [Telegraph], but warm up I did. It may have been the scene in the train. Having Olivia Colman, Hugh Dennis and Bill Paterson along for the ride didn't hurt. Bravo, Phoebe Waller-Bridge.

'Phoebe Waller-Bridge'? Really? I suppose it could happen.


Bad to the bone
« Reply #11 on: November 24, 2017 »
Rewind to Breaking Bad. Neo-Nazi Kenny reflects on the non-Hitler youth of today:

clickety click

Some are just born bad. Everybody’s favourite spawn of Satan is a clear case of nature over nurture:

fratricide by tricycle

it was a little bit frightening

speaking of which

Damien on being informed he's actually the son of Trump


“The victim [of fratricide] need not be the perpetrator's biological brother.” Thanks, Wikipedia. He doesn't kill his stepmother in that scene, she miscarries.

Road rage? The devil made him do it.

It’s all on increasingly smaller and smaller screens to me anyway.


We reach, Mr Spock
« Reply #12 on: November 29, 2017 »
I haven’t watched a lot of the original Star Trek because there’s too much good bad stuff to get through first, but I made an exception for The Way To Eden, after seeing a picture of Spock jamming with a woman on what at first glance appeared to be a small bicycle wheel.

We begin the episode with a doomed ship on the viewscreen. We can tell it’s doomed due to patented redshirt technology.

Scotty beams the curious hippy lifeforms to safety.

Spock speaks hippy.

One of them, Irina, is a former Academy classmate / love interest of Chekov’s. Kirk can relate.

Their swami, apparently of Ferengi heritage, wants to lead them to Eden. He’s thrown in the brig.

The rest of them are given the run of the place. Along with their insouciance, they bring music. Here we get our first good look at the bike wheel harp (deep section rims are for squares, man). Is that a truing stand?

Lead singer Adam admires Spock’s Fender Stratocaster.

Meanwhile Chekov considers his options. Is Starfleet really worth the severe constraints on his libido? (Kirk usually gets first shot. Rank hath its privileges.)

Little do they know, all Enterprise CCTV footage is piped to the captain's private ready room.

Adam warms up. The gigs are so few and far between out here among the stars.

Later everyone in the quadrant will claim they were there, like Woodstock.

The music is thoughtfully broadcast over the intercom. Scotty grumbles that the captain never allows him to play his bagpipes. A lewd rejoinder is left on the cutting room floor.

Deep within his logical mind, Spock knows that chicks dig musicians. He does a set, secretly hoping it goes viral.

Bones stays on call for bad trips, and re-inventories his stock of the morning after pill. He also discretely handles cases of the clap: "Gonna crack my knuckles and jump for joy! Got a clean bill of health from Dr McCoy."

Thinks: if only I'd dropped out of guard school and joined that boy band. Little does he know he’s about to be subdued by a hippy who took a course in Vulcan nerve pinches so the swami can escape and they can commandeer the ship using flower power.

After the concert the hippies make their play, which involves cruel torture that I'm surprised network censors let through.

Anyway, they end up on Eden, which promptly kills Adam ("Even the grass was full of acid"), shattering their dreams.

Irina returns to the Enterprise. She tells Spock that his harp touched her like no other man could, and asks for his personal stamp of approval to start a fan club. The captain's voice suddenly booms over the intercom, summoning her to his ready room. Checkov remains stoic.

The End


Easy as falling off a bike
« Reply #13 on: February 14, 2018 »

As am I. Shall we begin?

Meet Chase, who's had a wonderful time getting to know curious Jo. Texting is the new smoking.

A lateral move on Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. OR NOT.

You don't say. Well, this episode of Easy is called Vegan Cinderella. Chase is so eager for that slipper to fit that she forsakes one of the basic food groups –

sorry, premature denouement.

Can you cycle in those slippers, Chase? For the hat trick, or close enough. (Hang that hat on season two’s Side Hustle.)

After an establishing shot

in which the attentive viewer will note that Jo rides a fixie, naturally,

the way is paved for Chase’s conversion,

so we get to visit the LBS:

Blame Maslow.

Chase decides some street cred, or rather crud, is in order

and she's on her merry way.


Oops, how did that >throwback alert> slide get in there? She ain’t easy, she's his sister.

Back to our love story, Chase inevitably cracks under the strain of a pepperoni-less existence, removing all mystery about what comes out of her mouth. Don't click on the following pic.

Spoiler: happy ending!


Baker's dozen
« Reply #14 on: May 30, 2018 »
This post might be triggering for those who have unbearable nostalgia for anachronistic media.

Oh, Netflix. Only you could make it so easy to binge on teen suicide.

Although I like the device of the cassette tapes, that a small shop set aside valuable shelf space for them strained credulity. No wonder the Bakers were having so much trouble competing with Walplex.

Thanks for the advice, handsome mystery guy.

And mom.

I think he can pull it off.

But my mom said… oh never mind.

This objectification is getting out of hand.

As a matter of fact –

Lots of stupid bike things, as it happens. Let's just say Clay gives riding with earphones a bad name.

You need an airbag helmet.

Also glasses, by the looks of it.


It's not about the bike
« Reply #15 on: May 30, 2018 »

If by do something you mean collect more screenshots, then yeah.

There's always funny in the banana stand.

(Segways have the funny built in.)

A sure sign you're a serious cyclist: you spotted the suicide levers before noticing the chair.

And look at the rake on that.

Jason Bateman’s agent insists he gets bike time on any production. Not-so-funny Ozark, for example, finds him working for Habitat for Humanity Hillbillies for Heroin.

The comedy landscape sure has changed, eh Arthur?

It's hard to say which brother is my favourite. Buster is definitely in the top three.

All in the family.

Lost on the way to Comic-Con.

Speaking of arrested development...

The one where the friends still have the maturity of teenagers.


Schwinner will go on to direct a bikey episode. Stay tuned...

Anne Hathaway on her fashion accessory in The Intern. At least she didn't take a wrong turn down an elevator shaft or something.

Here she is in One Day. Warning: escena la muerte de Emma.

Jessica Jones, I really can't see you on a bicycle. Maybe a motorcycle, if you start driving. You can borrow Catwoman's while your Harley is in the shop. As if.

Thomas Jane makes a habit of knocking on heaven’s door in The Expanse.
That he married a replicant’s daughter comes as no surprise.

Wouldn't a Brompton be more likely on a cramped space station?

The Stand: a future almost tailor made for cyclists. Nick and M-O-O-N-spells-Tom hitch a ride.

Acolyte to Mother Abagail, or The Walkin' Dude NOT THAT ONE? You decide.


The One Where I Post More Screenshots
« Reply #16 on: July 20, 2018 »
They're like popcorn.

Look what I brought back from Ye Olde Nostalgia Shoppe.

Ride it on some cobblestones and get an even better present.

She always was the most unbalanced.

The One Where Phoebe Suffers Rotational Torsion?

Seriously. I’m surprised she didn’t steal a few in her days as a street urchin.

When you get to the end of the playground, pivot.

Probably too soon to go clipless.

This was sweet.

Is this coming off in a cheesy way?


Easy as falling off a horse
« Reply #17 on: February 29, 2020 »

According to the New York Post, "The bike is a fully restored Gormully & Jeffery Rambler from 1900 that was purchased from and restored by Via Bicycle in Philadelphia. The wooden wheels and crocheted fenders were custom-made."

You tell him, Dr. Ross (also known to have been on a break or two in his day). By the way, have you ever operated on yourself?


Moms not mums
« Reply #18 on: May 30, 2020 »
Workin’ Moms is a Canadian vehicle for the multitalented Catherine Reitman (I too googled her distinctive upper lip), whose dad was Ghostbuster-in-chief. In killing off her fictional dad Dan Ackroyd, she takes a page out of the book of Fleabag’s Phoebe Waller-Bridge.

Bikes also serve as several convenient tropes. Our hero is only riding one to commute to her job at a painfully trendy PR company,

and naturally, a few surly city cyclists get a chance to chew the Toronto scenery:

There are nice performances by all, including Reitman's real life husband, shown here bestowing the greatest of compliments.

Including bike porn?


« Reply #19 on: June 04, 2020 »
It doesn't end well for one of them.


I guess that felt better than ebaying it.