Earth was off the beaten track, but we decided to give it a go. It’s an inhabited planet, which makes things more interesting – though not
too interesting from their point of view, thanks to the SMIDSY tech which we invented but the grumpy Predators get all the credit for.
Fortunately we didn’t burn up on entry through the atmosphere, as happened last year to some friends who, to compound their misfortune, neglected to buy travel insurance.

Upon landing I had a nice conversation with these big placid creatures who agreed to keep an eye on the capsule in exchange for weaponry which should change the balance of power in their relations with their captors, and off we went. (Our bikes fold incredibly small. So do we, for that matter. Comes in handy, even in a universe so big.)
It was good to have a spin to work the kinks out after all those light years. On the trip over we’d listened to the BBC to pass the time. Your Brexit sounds like what happened to a planet near the buckle in Orion’s Belt when its citizenry decided they wanted out of the Federation, primarily because as an aquatic species they’re more or less the fish the others wanted rights to.
That’s right, there’s a real Federation. What a coincidence! It’s not much like the one on your Star Trek, though I do know a seven of nine: my ex, as it happens. She also has a fine, graceful and very nuzzleable neck. I took a snapshot of someone we passed, to show her for a laugh. After hitting send I realised it would probably get her ears twitching in jealousy, which honestly wasn’t my intention.

You humans are not an unattractive species, if a bit samey. My immediate family would make the Tatooine bar look insular. And sexes! You stop counting after a while. It keeps things lively. Nothing wrong with two. I guess it comes down to what you’re used to.
I loitered at a garden party, tearing up to see the spitting image of my dear departed mum.

The BBC had also talked about Covid. We’ve got that too. I don’t want to alarm anybody, but it eventually changes your DNA in ways you might not personally find pleasing, including an extra set of genitals randomly placed. So wear your masks, people. Or not.

We had a bite to eat at a gypsum mine – I believe you’d call it a cake stop – wandered the lanes till we were pleasantly exhausted, sourced a carton of freshly laid dilithium for a very reasonable price on the side of the road, squared things with the cows (good luck with that), then beamed up to our mothership, the capsule having been a retro touch to keep it real. I’ll be leaving a fair TripAdvisor review.