Today in history

[Vladimir Lenin]

An international race to the bottom was held, with no recorded winners.

[Max Planck]

You may know me as the genius and early investor in Al's fridge business who devised my very own constant, an equation which is too complicated to go into here but elegantly calculates the quantum of action (not to be confused the action flick Quantum of Solace) which powers a cyclist unless stopped by a pub. Perhaps ironically, I was admittedly an inept mechanic and required my doctoral student Lise Meitner to repair any punctures, taking care to always take credit for successful inflations, as was the custom.

Here's an unauthorised shot by paparazzi of me returning Einstein's wallet after mischievously pickpocketing it at Comic Con '29; I'm not ashamed to admit I was also a fan of Buck Rogers, then giving a talk on radioactivity-induced suspended animation.

[Sigmund Freud]

It's not generally known I had a wireless phone-in show just like Frasier. One of the callers was Bugsy Siegal, who described a recurring dream.

He was being pursued by the Feds, but was hampered by Tony Soprano's mother, who refused to budge from the handlebars; in that magic way dreams have, she was also Bugsy's mom. "Mamma mia!" he'd implore her, "do you want me to get caught?" She'd give him a withering look, which as we all know was the only look Livia had, and promptly stick her shoe in the spokes, sending them both tumbling to the ground, whereupon she'd then berate him for seeing a psychiatrist and complain bitterly that he was unbalanced.

I devoted the entire half hour to unravelling his psyche, which earned his undying gratitude. He was gunned down the very next day for "singing like a canary", which I thought a bit harsh.

Any excuse for a Sopranos clip

[Daphne du Maurier]

Last night I dreamt I was riding my bike again. This morning I got a call from the shop that they had indeed finished the repairs.

[Abraham Zapruder]

Got a moving pictures camera for my birthday. Tried it out on my son pedaling his tricycle up and down the driveway. Unfortunately the boy managed to come off, hitting his head. My wife rushed him to the hospital while I rushed the film to the developer, for insurance purposes. It came back with an 18½ minute gap, which was odd as it was only a 5 minute film.

[JFK]

The official story is that Jackie and I met at a dinner party. In fact it was a bicycle which brought us together. Bobby had challenged me to a race through Georgetown. We were very competitive, you know. I was winning, of course, when I got a blasted flat. My curses caught the attention of a young woman. I apologised, whereupon she replied "Fuck the puncture fairy." I knew then and there she was a keeper.


source

[Marilyn Monroe]

Though he was a better fit than Joltin' Joe.

(Have patience, the slide show does eventually start.)

[Fernando Pessoa]

My trike developed a personality of its own, which was to have a massive impact on my future writing career.

[Marcel Proust]

As I bit into my protein bar I was transported back in time to when I was a child, my bicycle my first taste of freedom. My mother had prepared a home-made bar, wrapped it in a kerchief, and deposited it safely in my backpack. I got a few miles then promptly suffered a puncture. Someone came by and fixed it, so I gave him my bar as a way of thanking him. He said it was terrible. The end.

[Fausto Coppi]

It isn't enough to win; one must make it look easy.