My name is sam and I have OCD.
Everyone: Hello sam.
Is it just you for today's meeting Nikola?
Nikola Tesla: Did you forget that it's Jab Day? They're all in the Clean Room.
What Clean Room?
Nikola Tesla: The Ballroom,
which is the only space large enough to maintain adequate social distancing as long as there's not another outbreak of the tango. As Science & Sanitation Officer I had it scrubbed down to the molecular level after a surprise inspection last week brought to light so many health code violations I had to stop counting. [Pauses] I jest about the counting.
Very well. By the way, you don't have to sit all the way at the back. Feel free to move your chair closer to the lectern. I am certified Covid free.
Nikola Tesla: Here's fine, thanks. Anyway it's nearer to the toilet {shudder} so I can wash my hands if necessary, and it's always necessary. You should think about installing a dedicated sink room, preferably with 3 sinks in a virtuous circle.
[Sound of flushing.
Humbug hops in.] Humbug: Allo! Thas the firstime I av used one of those flushy things. I hope yer didn't start wivvout me.
Do you have obsessive compulsive disorder, Humbug?
Humbug: Not that I'm aware ov. But I av already ad my shots ta.
If you don't mind my saying, you don't sound exactly like the Humbug I know.
Humbug: Maybe you'll need to edit my dialogue 50 times to get it right, eh?
Nikola Tesla: [Turning to look at Humbug] Why 50? Is there a reason you chose that number?
Humbug: No reason, its just a big number that soundz about rite even if I dont quite. [Approaches Tesla and raises paw to shake hands]
Nikola Tesla [Looks at paw with something akin to horror]
Humbug: Sorry, I forgot! [Hops on a windowsill and settles in]
[Clears throat and begins] This isn't something I tend to bring up in public. It's embarrassing. It's mental – literally. But I think it's good to talk about these things, to help destigmatise them.
Humbug: You're among friends. Sometimz I get tired of talkin like this, especiarly when I haven't had practice, if you know wat I mean. Proceed.
I have it for real. Not just the jokey kind where you're a bit of a neat freak. It manifested when I was a child. The usual hand washing. Pointless rituals. Intrusive thoughts, which is
hellish, let me tell you. Eventually my parents signed me up for the talking cure. I suppose it helped, though I don't remember more than the fact that it got better until it got worse again. I'd go through cycles. At its worst I suffer full blown panic attacks, the ones where you quite genuinely are convinced you are going to die. Just recalling what it feels like as you slide into that icy state of pure terror is enough to give me a case of the shivers.
I've largely conquered it, though like being an alcoholic no matter how dry you are, you always have OCD. It's the way I'm wired. It still influences me in certain ways, though it can be hard to tell when a search for excellence crosses the line into being "a little OCD."
Nikola Tesla: Surely you'd like to share examples with us. Or one in particular?
Thought you'd never ask. I like to edit. Almost all of
my posts go through changes. Some of the more intricate ones will indeed be edited dozens of times, though I've never counted and don't care to. It's my process.
Nikola Tesla: But that means...
That's right. It means that what you're reading now may not be the same thing that's here tomorrow. It's not just fixing typos, grammatical errors, and redundancies. Maybe I'll end up covering a new angle that I'm horrified I missed in the first place. Or add pictures or video. A recent example of a many chang'd thing is '
Publish and be damned'. That has easily had a record number of AA's.
Nikola Tesla: AA's?
Sorry. 'Author's Alteration'. It's a term from my typesetting days when we'd charge the client for every AA.
rewrite!
As happens often enough, I've been here before:A flaw in my process often renders me unable to post without a host of further edits as I continue to examine the angles and interrogate myself about my own truthfulness. Eventually this settles down; it definitely stops if there's a reply except for clarification or grammar or harmless flourish. The nature of this site means it's not traditionally been a problem in the slightest. Should that change, I'll try my best to move on after the final full stop.
Humbug: Wivvout wishing to offend, it does sound ravver mental.
What can I say, I get pleasure from writing and rewriting and hope at least a few people will get pleasure in the reading. I may actually prefer revising, because confonting a cursor on a blank screen is almost always harder.
Forums are the ideal environment for this type of expression. It's instant publishing, endlessly editable. All the better when there's no edit line, which is why we don't have one here. Incidentally, Yacf doesn't either – an idea I'm happy they got from me. Most forums I've been to have an edit line.
Yacf is only getting a mention because its very existence is down to my bugbear with emoticons (though if it hadn't been that it almost certainly would have been something else). Contrary to popular belief I don't mind the occasional smiley. But they were becoming almost like Tribbles and doing my head in.
Humbug:
That looks awfully familiar.Humbug: Originality is undetected plagiarism.
William Inge, popping head in: Hey!
Nikola Tesla: Has everyone had their jabs and been hosed down in the decontamination chamber?
William Inge: [Runs quickly away]
Nikola Tesla: It takes all kinds.
Humbug: Anyfing else you want to get off yer chest sam?
Yes, thanks for asking. First if I may draw your attention to
this post.Nikola Tesla, Humbug, and William Inge [who has returned despite Nikola's glare]: Consider it drawn.
Anyone paying attention – a small and sainted club to be sure – will appreciate things lost on someone who's not invested beyond the link that brought them here. For a start, I love orchestrating coincidences. Take
Smile. Did you notice that (with one grim exception) nobody is smiling?
Nikola Tesla: I had thought that much was obvious.
You'd be surprised how much people miss. They've got other places to be and can't dally, you know.
Humbug:
My apologies; we've covered site stickiness in a previous meeting.
This isn't obviously a blog even while it is explicitly not a forum. Hence I feel justified in capitalising on the confusion to attempt to host contributions of a certain calibre.
Humbug: If you do say so yourself. Aren't you worried people might think you a bike forum snob?
If there's one thing I don't give, it's a damn about that.
What I'm trying to get at is, every time I post I think about what kind of non-forum I want. Look, I care about
words. Even the subject headings aren't thoughtlessly slapped on. At the risk of repeating myself, I'll repeat myself. Pay attention in the back.
Humbug [distracted by a butterfly outside the window]: Bah Humbug to peeps who don't use their peepers.
Nikola Tesla: I
do wish people would take the time to appreciate the finer things in life. [Looks at watch] I've got an Insomniacs Anonymous meeting in three minutes.
See you there.
