Author Topic: Annual meeting


Off the record
« Reply #20 on: June 22, 1995 »
Star chamber present and accounted for? Just say "yes" for the record. Though we're off the record.

Blaise Pascal, Jean-Paul Sartre, Dorothy Parker, Mary Whitehouse, Seven of Nine, and G.K Chesterton: Yes.

Thank you for coming. I hope that going back to the 90s hasn't been triggering for anyone. You've all signed the waiver for continuity errors. Any questions?

Dorothy Parker: Why the 90s?

I'm feeling nostalgic, and that was a sweet spot for me. Bring in the accused.

[Seven of Nine leaves then comes back with The Man With No Name and his lawyer, Clarence Darrow.]

Man With No Name, you stand accused of [checks notes] trying my patience. How do you plead?

Clarence Darrow: My client has nothing to say.

That was the problem, wasn't it. Your client had nothing to contribute.

Clarence Darrow: It's no crime. And my client doesn't know why it should be an issue.

Posting is the minimum requirement for ascertaining you have a pulse. Most present company excluded.

Blaise Pascal: On the contrary, Mary is getting something thrumming. I do enjoy a challenge.

Mary Whitehouse: I doubt you could handle me, old man.

[Chesterton raises an eyebrow]

Clarence, I seem to recall you yourself got the boot back in Reply #15. Isn't that right, Seven?

Seven of Nine: That is correct. Would you like me to apply "the boot" again?

No, I'm feeling generous. Just not towards his client, who also ignored a simple query from yours truly. Verdict: guilty.

Dorothy Parker: Don't we get a vote?

Sure, as long as you agree with me.

Everyone: Guilty!

[The Man With No Name drops through a trapdoor into the outside world. Clarence, who hasn't been paid, jumps after him.]

G.K. Chesterton: Don't ever take a fence down until you know why it was put up.

[Humouring Chesterton, who spits these things out from time to time apropos nothing] I'll have maintenance look into it.

Jean-Paul Sartre: Can we leave now? [He makes eyes at Mary, who grabs the doorknob. It comes off in her hand. Pascal grows tumescent.]

Bloody hell. Seven, you've proven to be something of a jack-of-all-trades. Can you fix that?

[Seven of Nine kicks the door down]

Sounds like the 90s out there too.

G.K. Chesterton: The purpose of Compulsory Education is to deprive the common people of their commonsense.

Blaise Pascal: The heart has its reasons of which reason knows nothing.

Dorothy Parker: That's me pulled.

[Chesterton looks startled. Parker grabs Pascal to make herself clear. Beelines are made to the guest bedrooms.]

Seven, have you been doping the climate control with pheromones again?

Seven of Nine: You're the one who told me I needed a hobby.