Judge: 'Twats must pay twits for tweets'In a ruling already raising controversy in the press corps but hailed as "Justice" by citizen-journalists, High Court Judge Sir Hermès Daisy-Chain Frozenpeas has ruled that The Dail Mail must pay "the going rate" to those whose tweets are used in the course of filling space. "Some stories appear to be largely composed of 'twitches' [sic], said Daisy-Chain Frozenpeas in his ruling, pointedly referring to the recent
Mail Online article 'Motorists vent their fury as Ride London cycling event causes travel chaos across the capital'.
The National Union of Journalists condemned the ruling, adducing that the judge didn't even know the correct terminology. "First of all, they are called 'tweets', not 'twitches', thundered NUJ spokesperson Nutella über-Jones in an open letter published in The Times this morning aimed at the entire judiciary system. "This lack of correct wordage speaks to how out of touch judges are. Second, to label journalists 'twats' is highly offensive to those of us who aren't. We demand a blanket apology."
Frozenpeas: out of touch?A clerk for Frozenpeas speaking off the record admitted that the Justice was overly fond of alliteration, noting previous rulings, 'Biased BBC Bollocks' and 'Commerce Clause Cunts'. The clerk also claimed that Frozenpeas was unaware of the popular meaning of 'twat', citing Robert Browning's use of it in
Pippa Passes in 1841: 'Then, owls and bats, cowls and twats,/Monks and nuns, in a cloister's moods,/Adjourn to the oak-stump pantry!' The clerk promised to annotate the chambers copy of Browning forthwith to avoid future embarrassment.
Reaction was swift across the rejoicing Twittersphere:
additional reporting by
@jollygoodthen