Author Topic: A salute to the duke


  • .
  • Beeb
A salute to the duke
« on: April 10, 2021 »
Prince Philip, 99 years young, is dead.
The BBC is proud to bring you a life in pictures.

"I would have been happy as a bus driver, but fate had other plans for me." - The Duke of Edinburgh

"Who could have imagined that one's long strange trip would be at the side of such a colourful character." - QEII

A meaty child, he was nearly left out for the wolves, until his mother intervened.

She later had her mouth tied shut to help maintain a dignified vow of silence.

For a time, the princeling was burdened with a sapling growing out of his head: an unfortunate hereditary condition. Though easily remedied by regular pruning, it was considered a test of character. [See also Today in history]

Later he would show his leadership potential by provoking many a primal scream from his chums at Gordonstoun.

Last one in is a commoner!

The girls love a man in uniform, and vice versa. The virgin queen-to-be declined to wear her schoolgirl outfit until they were properly wed.

The consort collected a medal for every year year of matrimony, and in the first of many controversial statements, ‘jokingly’ suggested all men be given the same.

First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes discreet kidnapping, if needs must, to provide that all-important heir and a spare. Fortunately his tadpoles would prove up to the task.

The entire family entered group therapy sometime in the 60s.

Teaching Prince Charles the value of being a good sport when losing.

Polo was a particular passion, though he had to be cautioned not to whip the bike.

Or bystanders.

"Where have all the elephants gone," he used to wonder aloud. This was the signal to summon one.

Philip was a keen amateur painter, frequently collaborating with other artists.

Adding the flowers.

Handsome enough to have been a model, he was in fact approached by Coal Miners Monthly to be their cover boy.

The duke’s duties included regaling dignitaries with his famed repartee. "You all look the same to me," he reportedly quipped. Accounts differ as to which man he was talking to.

Elizabeth's smile freezes as her husband asks George Bush if he’s ever given his wife a pearl necklace, then explains in graphic detail, to make certain the meaning hasn’t been lost in translation. The queen is revered by the nation for her ability to be Philip's 'straight man'.

Michelle Obama was later moved to pat the duke on the head, which pleased him greatly.

Having met many celebrities throughout his long life, from the astronauts that landed on the moon to the Beatles to the queen, Philip was said to have been especially taken by Gwyneth Paltrow. She offered him a VIP account at Goop.

A doting father, he often worried about his children. The Princess Royal, a respected equestrian and admirer of Catherine the Great, reassured him that she never visited the stables for pleasure.

Philip took great care to direct the education and upbringing of his firstborn son, once going so far as to drop him naked and without retainers deep in the Scottish Highlands to find his own way home. This Charles of course did, thanking his father for the life lessons and salutary case of herpes caught from the seat of a Range Rover whilst hitchhiking.

The duke was unofficial taster for Duchy Organics gift baskets before they got to the queen.

A sense of humour is vital for any marriage. The duke was fond of fabricating stories of people to make his wife laugh. He once suggested that Meghan loves Harry for his personality.

A patron of the Society of Bromptoneers, he could fold one in under 10 minutes.

The US has the tradition of the presidential baseball pitch...

Until recently, a senior royal was permitted to toss a defused grenade at republican hecklers.

"You must be the village bike."

Philip sadly had to forgo the pleasure of motoring after being caught dogging in the public car park at Windsor Castle. He was cautioned and released, to the applause of contemporaries impressed by his vigour.

Elizabeth made certain allowances for ‘the rock’ in her life, joking that a hard man is good to find, and she had learned to be generous.

A stickler for protocol till the end, Philip was required to sign in every time he entered the queen’s bedchamber, and sign out as well.

Like all of us, he spent his last day on earth wishing he could do it all over again, only this time with more sex, drugs and rock & roll.

A death mask has been created so that the duke can continue to be the life of the party.


  • .
  • Beeb
Elizabeth Regina
« Reply #1 on: September 08, 2022 »

Correspondence with her son Andrew: so much burning to do, so little time

The last person to see the queen alive, Liz Truss is being interviewed under caution

As the queen joins her prince in eternal repose, a nation braces for an onslaught of remembrance and the new guy swanning in.

A fitting memorial may or may not be in the works here, we'll see. It would be easier to just ask you to imagine these pictures from the real Auntie captioned under a more liberal vetting process, e.g.,

Lilibet was a working royal long before she ascended to the throne. Here she issues a general marching orders to his certain doom, her girlish charm softening the blow

Ever the pragmatist, Elizabeth was reassured that she always had a trade to fall back on

With energy bills rising, the Queen served as an example to us all to simply dress a little warmer

You're also invited to click the following link for a tribute we made earlier: Elizabeth Regina, birthday girl.