Author Topic: Release the Kraken


Release the Kraken
« on: May 19, 2021 »
Aaaaaand social media Kraken released.

Bike Forums
Cycling UK Forum
LFGSS (My kingdom for BBCode)
The Paceline
Singletrack World
Velocipede Salon
Weight Weenies

It's much of a muchness, but I didn't just copy and paste. Was going to bite the bullet and add CycleChat to the list until discovering that I've been banned since my last visit in February due to a post buried in my quiet little site: a very stealth flounce, I'm sure you'll agree. Provided my first good laugh of the day.

There's also Facebook and Twitter, but given my "following" (I like to tell people the odometer on my Twitter followers has simply rolled over), we're talking little dents.


No profit in deceit*
« Reply #1 on: May 20, 2021 »
At the risk of alerting the Enemy to my movements, I'm going to be updating this when the mood strikes. A few people want me to just roll over for Enigma. That's fine; it takes all kinds. I should know.

* Yes, the next line in the song is "Honest men know that revenge does not taste sweet".


Sweet and sour
« Reply #2 on: May 21, 2021 »
For those who enjoy a bit of spectator sport, the threads currently seeing the most action are at Bike Forums, Cycling UK, and Velocipede Salon. Fortunately there are abundant cherries to pick. (I could've stayed with the metaphor – "some folks have hit it out of the park," etc., but the more the merrier.)

The big news is Enigma have spoken, here and here. It's a tricky move for a manufacturer, requiring certain rhetorical skills. Let's see how it's working out for them so far:

Manufacturers stepping into a forum is almost a no-win situation. The only way you could have won was to have stepped in and told the customer you had made a mistake, and were going to honor your lifetime warranty. As it was, you tended a little toward the blamey side, and that is absolutely the wrong way to go about it. My assessment is that you lost a little ground with your appearance here. Those pics don't lie.

Apart from any obvious crash damage, I would have thought the default position here would be that 99.9% of buyers of a boutique high end ti road bike would be sensible non-racing road riders and this would be their pride and joy. This line sounds more applicable to a freeride full suss bike owned by a reckless 17 year old or some unloved daily commuting hack left outside to rot. It also states the bleeding obvious!

Just give him a new frame, try and get some good publicity and not further point out the limitations of the warranty.

Repairing titanium is even more likely to produce this sort of failure, and while a factory repair under the same stringent process controls should be of similar quality to the original, a repair in a bike shop is unlikely to be.

Not to mention that process controls as stringent as used in the original are not confidence inspiring, in this case.

It's an interesting marketing strategy to come onto an online forum and imply that the damage seen in those photos was caused by hard/tough riding, and if/when that does happen to other buyers the warranty will not apply.

Talking about not seeing the forest for the trees. Enigma had an awesome opportunity to step-up and win over potential new customers by standing behind their product. Instead, they chose to be radioactive.

Even after a few decades of experience, it's always with trepidation that I venture onto forums. You never know when you're going to get beaned,

thrown a curve ball

or given a sweet pitch to knock one out of the park.

If I were a baseball fan, I'd record games and live on fast forward

Oddly enough for a hard-bitten roadie, Singletrack World was the first place I posted, replying to a six month old thread in zombie territory (mmmm, zombie threads). I was a little surprised by some of the replies, but it was a good reminder of how contrary people can be to one's expectations. The OP certainly wasn't deterred by my tale of woe:

Despite the post from @anothersam I’m still keen on an Enigma. There’s lots of great feedback and happy owners in the thread. Sam has put huge miles into the bike (more than I would do!) and Enigma have at least tried to resolve or assist in some way. Any manufacturer is going to have some issues to deal with. On balance they get great reviews and seem to have lots of evangelical fans. And I accept that NO bike is a bike for life. Once I’ve paid last year’s tax bill there should be enough pennies left in the piggybank!

Fortunately it would go on to provide a nice cherry, which I put to use on my open letter. (Here that is again, right below the lemon. Now I'm mixing fruits.)

The BikeRadar thread was notable chiefly for its Homer moment.
"joins forum to promote blog..."

It's true I do some blog promotion, chiefly as an outlet for all this damn whimsy I've been cursed with, but homers_double's contribution was more a bunt than anything.

My post at Weight Weenies has attracted no response at all,* which works for me. There's only so much time in the day. At least composing it gave me an idea for a future photo op. See if you can guess what that'll be.

*Spoke too soon.

Velocipede Salon has been the thorniest. Initially I was attracted to what seemed to be a quirky vibe, and chose an offbeat approach. It didn't take long for the umpire to call foul. Damnit, I had a sheriff in mind, sitting on a barstool notched with Likes as the stranger walks in.

I was near to hightailing it out of town, but providing more backstory helped. In the end (because there's not much more for me to say*), I was invited to hang. There are worse ways to go.

*See previous asterisk. I may want to get out of the prediction business. Click for killer bunny.

In my professional world (I design audio systems for concerts, theatre, special events and installations), the first rule is: make sound. The second rule is: keep making sound. Regardless of creative outcomes, if the rig is too fussy to be maintained or too fragile for purpose, it’s a massive liability. These factors bump up against cost and weight very often, just as a bike frame.

Though for the OP, it seems like this frame has cracked twice at the BB, and I can’t imagine a use- or abuse-case that gets you there without something deliberately insane or as others have posited, faults in construction.

this is exactly the kind of story potential buyers of high end bikes need to hear. When someone goes above and beyond, praise them; when someone reneges on a lifetime warranty, that's worthy of comment.

I appreciate OP's appearance here (even though it does apparently duplicate efforts on other cycling forums. Lord knows I've posted identical threads... mostly because I know I'll get different responses based on those websites' respective cultures/personalities but also, as someone pointed out, sometimes we need to use whatever social media we have available.

Either you dropped that thing out of a plane, or there are some serious stresses in that frame that should not be there. Their response has to be incredibly disappointing and is decidedly shortsighted on their part. Standing behind its product is the cheapest advertisement a good business can buy.

Let's close this post with a triple conjunction:
But, but, but there is abuse and there is abuse. Tuesday night's group ride had a nice flat straight of 6 miles with just a hint of a High Plains tail wind. Is a 230 pound old man riding 6 miles at 30MPH + use or abuse, or does it depend on who is making the decision?

I read that post by Enigma and it had so many weasel words in it I expected to have one jump out of my monitor. Do the right thing my tuchas. ["Tuchas" is Jewish slang refering to the ever expanding rear end - Ed., quoting from the Urban Dictionary]

No, that's a stoat. Probably.


« Reply #4 on: May 24, 2021 »
The thread at The Paceline was a joy to behold until the man with the keys jangling on his belt turned up. Here's that link again. The Velocipede Salon also locked theirs. In both cases it's a pity discussion was stopped, but a bit of a relief for yours truly, who doesn't get enough sleep as it is.

It's very curious to me when people have a problem with crossposting. It's almost as if you've failed a loyalty test.

I was blocked by Enigma on the Big Bird.

Not being of the Twitter cognoscenti, I hadn't even known blocking was a thing until I saw it happening wholesale in the gender wars.


« Reply #5 on: May 24, 2021 »


My Struggle
« Reply #6 on: May 24, 2021 »
It's an old
meme, but de rigueur:

The role of a lifetime

It's inevitable that talk of solicitors has come up on some of the threads where this is being discussed.

The fine print
Literalists take note: I'm not a morally compromised lawyer any more than I am a dictator with the crumbling powers of the state at his disposal.

PS. What are we going to get Better Call Saul back? A discerning viewing public grows weary with waiting!

« Reply #7 on: May 28, 2021 »
MichaelB @ WW

At the end of the day, I think the thread is a great example of a problem well presented, no bitching or slander, but details and facts, and examples of poor practice from the supplier.

Some posts of the week:

Your frame did not die in vain, that bunker script is quite accomplished!

@anothersam, your latest post including the youtube video is probably the most entertaining thing i've ever read here

I have had to watch it's even better the second time

Enigma may want to use this to reflect and review their policy.


Please read
« Reply #8 on: May 29, 2021 »
For the time being I am largely refraining from commenting on this further. This is on advice from wise counsel: my wife. Taking a page out of Rudyard Kipling's book, she is The Committee of Ways and Means. After all, my original purchase did require her approval, in the interests of continued marital harmony. We have developed a system whereby I run things by her, and she applies the relevant stamp.

Perhaps those of you who are married employ a similar system, which in theory works both ways.

It retroactively occurred to me that this post should have been run by her before I shared it with the world, or at least the portion of it which follows current events. If she had, she might have sweetly said to me "Dearest, have you actually read the 'now standard 10 year warranty'? Because it does not include labour costs."

One may be forgiven for assuming it did, because my previous two repairs did not include a bill for such. Then again I had a lifetime warranty, rather than their current offering.

I implore you, reader, to always read. Tl;dr should never cross your mind. If you can't be bothered, give it to your own Committee of Ways and Means.

Approved by TCoWaM