Comfort and joy

[sam]

I passed Christmas with Bobby Claus on the tannoy, the Radio Times double issue undisturbed on the coffee table, and what has turned into a seasonal tradition of no people to see or places to go.¹ This left time to put together a quiz.² The format is multiple choice without recourse to NONE OF THE ABOVE.³

How seriously should cycling be taken? On a scale of to Guardian Bike Blog.
Frivolous Frothy Fun
Everything in moderation⁴
Roughage

The government decrees that you have to name your bike. What are you going to call it?
Pollyanna
Silver
By its model name [i.e., not bothered, but the law's the law]

What expression do you usually have when cycling?

Beautific
Silently Alarmed
Enigmatic

Who has the most infectious smile?
Mary Tyler Moore
Larry Sanders
The Joker

Which is an example of a Freudian slip?
Sometimes a cigar is just a blowjob
"That motherfucking white van man cut me up"
If only we could all live together in peace and harmony

Under what circumstances will the police take an interest?
Overinflation of tyres
Neglecting to drink before you're thirsty
Going through green lights before they turn green

GPS can't locate you. Why might this be?
Won't lock on to Halfords bike⁵
You've gone where no man has gone before
Drone got there first

When is music not a distraction?
When in control of any vehicle heavier than a bicycle⁶
If a surgeon, performing an operation
Those times you have a baton in your hand and are quite dressed up


You've run into WHSmith for train reading and have only seconds to decide. Which shall it be?
Click here for selection

Who has the best hair?
Bradley Wiggins
Boris Johnson
Josie Dew

Who would you be most surprised to find under the mistletoe?
Your Ex
The Queen
Jeremy Clarkson

Where is your J-Spot?
On the saddle⁷



1. This started by living out in the country without a car and having no public transport options on Christmas and Boxing Day. Even though I now have a licence, staying at home on high ground at the height of monsoon season might not be a bad tradition to carry on.
2. Based on an old post about to be recycled (recycling is good, right?) in a new medium, which is just as well, as that is probably the only way anybody will read it. Or not, if it's anything like my copy of the Radio Times.
3. Also a tradition
4. Including alliteration. And footnotes, possibly.
5. Make sure it isn't on the bikesnob setting
6. See Six senses
7. May it bring you comfort and joy

[sam]

Now that it’s December, it’s OK for us holdouts to acknowledge that Christmas is coming.

If there are any presents you want that you can’t buy for yourself because then they wouldn’t be presents, consider this an opportunity to share your wish list with somebody who can’t LIKE it; an increasingly rare blessing in disguise, in this case because validation only serves to help get one's hopes up, to come crashing down upon opening a more affordable groupset on Christmas morn.

Personally I don’t want anything. Well, nothing small enough to be parked under a tree. I’d like a house, but Santa nearly had a stroke when he put my postcode into Rightmove. "How about a house price crash instead?" I asked him, which led to a long and I thought interesting discussion about the greater good until he put me on hold and I eventually gave up after one too many iterations of All I want for Christmas is you.

Is it odd that n+1 has turned into n+none, and there are no components that I lust after? Or is it simply to be expected when you have spent years satisfying your basic needs (that would be three bikes) and then some, and stop dawdling in bike shops and going to sites like bikerumour.com?

We don't exchange gifts anyway {boo hiss}. Doubtless this is a lot easier to pull off when you don't have kids.

I will admit to hankering after one of these, if only to give my poor ears a rest from earbuds. Also it gives a moire effect when scrolling.


Here's a song for when you get tired of Fairytale of New York
Helpfully subtitled

[sam]

[sam]

Comfort came early in the game with QUOIT [68pts], but glee was nearly extinguished when her X marked the spot in one fell swoop yielding AX and EX [50pts], followed immediately by the miraculous alighting of a J [46pts]. Tile twitchers will note two ITs; a sin which was graciously allowed to go unpunished.

Pro-EU, to help mop up those final letters? Sorry, no go.


utterly unprecedented: photographic evidence of three passes

[teecee]

The word 'quoit' pleases me.

[sam]

My opponent's mother played Scrabble as blood sport.


special game hat

I somehow managed to best her in a game back in the 90s, then immediately retired from the inlaw circuit, to her immense frustration when we’d visit.

She’s gone now, but if she’s where she believed she’d end up, there’s already a board in readiness for when Nigel Richards scores rapture.