Author Topic: Radio gah


Radio gah
« on: December 04, 2019 »

Extra-linguistic cues are apparently why we don’t like sound of our own voice. All the rubbish that comes out of our mouth probably doesn’t help.

Speak for yourself, you say? Very well. In 2006 I was interviewed on the BBC, after which they banned me from the airwaves, or so I imagine.

It's so painful that after digging it up for the purposes of light entertainment, I refused to listen past the first few minutes I managed after writing this to confirm my worst fears (and incidentally my guess that nobody can resist Rodney King).

Not sure where to rate my voice confrontation on the list: perhaps slightly better than #8, squealing brakes on a bike.

I have prepared a transcript. Bear in mind that memory is notoriously fallible.

Not Nolan: Welcome to today's show, Petrolhead vs Lycra Lout.

Petrolhead: Thanks for having me.

Lycra Lout: [inaudible]

Not Nolan & Petrolhead: SPEAK UP!

Lycra Lout: Please don't call me that.

Petrolhead: My name actually is Mr Petrolhead, so I don't mind.

Not Nolan: Moving right along, why can't we all get along?

[sound of raucous laughter in studio]

Not Nolan: That was a joke for my producer. Lycra Lout, why are you always at the centre of controversy? Why are we powerless to frame it any other way?

Lycra Lout: It makes for good radio.

Not Nolan: So are you going to play ball?

Lycra Lout: Probably not.

Petrolhead: You brought me in for this? Yet another example why cyclists are so bloody annoying.

Not Nolan: We're experiencing technical difficulties...
Where did you find this guy? This is even more boring than the segment we did on pillow fights in nursing homes. Wait, is this mike still hot?

Oh to be "a magnificent figure of a man, over six feet tall, handsome, with flashing eyes and a gloriously resonant speaking-voice" like Orson Welles! At least the voice part, otherwise none of my clothes would fit.

The camera adds 10 poundcakes