Author Topic: Annual meeting


« Reply #10 on: April 21, 2023 »
The postman brought a letter from Stonewall. They're looking for new Diversity Champions after the departure of the BBC and other major players. What do you say, people? This is an inclusive space, right?

Anne Sexton: Do they know what a woman is?

Let's see. It says here "Woman is not a feeling. It's not a costume, an emotion, or a performance. It's just a body. A body that is oppressed in a multitude of ways, not because of identity, but because of sex. A body that requires certain protections in law because it is vulnerable to physical violence from men and at risk of exploitation because of its reproductive function."

Anne Sexton: That's from Stonewall?

I'm messing with you. That's from some radical called J. Stein.

Bram Stoker: That J is suspicious. Just look at Donald J. Trump.

Aldous Huxley: I have it on good authority that women are limitless and formless. Who wouldn't want to be formless and limitless?

Anne Sexton: It doesn't sound like much fun on a Saturday night.

Bram Stoker: How about girl-flavoured person?* I like that one. Especially on a Saturday night.

*another J!

Anne Sexton: Have you been licking Eddie Izzard?

Bram Stoker: Wouldn't you like to know.

Augustine of Hippo: If someone wants to be a woman, as far as I am concerned, welcome to the club.

It's safe to say you have our rapt attention.

Augustine of Hippo: Now I'm messing with you.

Augustine of Hippo: With apologies to the pope, I'm no saint. When I feel like a woman I go out and get myself one [winks at Anne, who ignores him]. Sunday is for repenting.

Bram Stoker: I had to watch the video several times for critical analysis. At least one of the probable ejaculators has long hair. [Pantomime horror] It's all so confusing.

Anne Sexton: Have any of the great thinkers divined what a man is?

Bram Stoker: I can confirm that he's not a bat. I've looked into the matter.

Aldous Huxley: How about a rat?

Bram Stoker: That's debatable.

Augustine of Hippo: As long as we're raiding the animal kingdom, I vote sheep.

Everyone: BAAA!

I'm glad you got that out of your system. All those wishing to join the diversity scheme say aye.

Everyone: AYE!

All those taking the piss say aye.

Everyone: AYE!

The ayes have it. On a seemingly unrelated matter, we've moved the clocks forward another year. You may recall that we were hoping to outrace the pandemic. Optimism isn't what it used to be.


Play it as it lays
« Reply #11 on: April 21, 2023 »
Viewing figures are once again hugging the x-axis.

Lord Kelvin: I often say that when you can measure what you are speaking about, and express it in numbers, you know something about it; but when you cannot measure it, when you cannot express it in numbers, your knowledge is of a meagre and unsatisfactory kind.

Thanks for the pep talk.

John Milton: Oh FFS. Just get on with it.

Anne Sexton: Or not.

archy: you know my thoughts on the subject

Dorothy Parker: I say kill your darlings. The entire site qualifies.

Mehitabel: If with the literate I am
    Impelled to try an epigram,
    I never seek to take the credit;
    We all assume that Dorothy said it.

Ellen Ripley: Dorothy or whoever is right. Nuke the entire site from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.

Annie Jump Cannon: You say that about everything.

It's time for an illustration. You know how itchy I get without them.

Tycho Brahe: Is that your way of telling us you're going to add a facility for Likes?

No, just a bit of tangential recycling. I think we can all agree that Likes would be spectacularly pointless. Unlike, well, you know.

Tycho Brahe: I've got a new nose guy. He's not so grate at the sanding.

Anyone else want to chime in here with homonyms, epigrams, or cold hard logic?

Charles Babbage: Embrace the 1's and 0's.

Joan Didion [Everyone: Welcome Joan!]: Play it as it lays.

John Milton: The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven. God I'm thirsty.

archy: drinks at the slaughtered lamb question mark i frequent the algonquin room which has a fine selection of spirit puddles and crumbs

[A rush for the EXIT. Some wag has scribbled NO above the flickering sign.]

[Addressing chairs, now empty except for one with a nose sitting neatly on top] Good meeting.