Cycle Lane "Not
Even
as Long as Small Cycle"
by Adam Wrent of the Framley Examiner
FRAMLEY BOROUGH COUNCIL Highways Department has come under fire for a cycle lane in the town centre.
The bike icon adorned stretch of colour-adapted tarmac, which gobbled up a massive £33,748.91 in construction costs, joins the corner of Dene Street to the corner of Millgate, and measures 62cm in length. It is controlled by four sets of traffic lights and is watched 24 hours a day by CCTV.
A spokesperson for the Highways Department, Mike Joyce, explained that the cycle lane had been installed after months of careful statistical analysis by a team.
'The figures speak for themself,' he outlined. 'Our analysis of Framley's chequered history of cycling tragedies show quite categorically that anyone riding a bike over that two-foot stretch of the town centre has a one if four chance of being killed. These measures were essential.'
But Tory councillor Geoffrey Cauchaugh is furious at the thing.
'It's an absolute disgrace' he appealed at a meeting in the council chambers last recently. 'It really is disgraceful. Absolutely disgraceful.'
'I just think it really is an absolute disgrace,' he added another time.
And the row about a controversial bit of pavement shows no signs of cooling off, after the fire brigade were called to cut free a disabled in a wheelchair that became jammed between the four sets of traffic lights.
Elderly Noreen Twaith found herself tangled up in the vertical metalwork after attending an all day club. She later died of hospital.
Mrs Twaith's daughter Margaret says she intends to fight to have the cycle lane thrown away.
'Before another mother dies, we need to change the rules. Lives are more important than bikes or wheels or this or anyone, so regretfully we must ask the council to ban cyclists from that particular cycle lane or at the very least have the whole street destroyed.'
But local cyclists are delighted by the death.
'It's added at least three seconds off my journey,' says optician Alex Groome. 'I use it every day. Without it, I'll probably be dead by now. It's saved my life!'
'My trip to work takes a bit longer now,' says another, 'but I like it.'
'So do I,' says a third.
Last night cyclists started a candlelit vigil at the 62cm cycle lane. A hippy played a guitar.